For better or for worse...Really?

Have you ever given unconditional love?  Have you ever received unconditional love?  We think of God's love as unconditional.  We think of the love one spouse has for another as unconditional.  If the love between man and wife is unconditional both ways, why is the divorce rate so high even among Christian couples (38% - 42%)?

One of the things that we accept as truth about unconditional love is just the simple definition that unconditional love has no conditions, the love I have for Kim has no conditions, she doesn't do anything to deserve my love nor can she do anything to keep me from loving her.  The character Quincy on "Meet Joe Black" said it best when he said 'she knows the worst thing about me and it's OK'.  His wife knew the worst thing about him and she loved him anyway, in spite of his short coming.

This is extremely noble but it has an inherent flaw.  This line of thinking assumes that the giver of unconditional love always WANTS to give the love even though it may or may not be deserved.

What happens when one spouse no longer wants to give unconditional love to the other?  Our topic just got a little deeper.  I know that most of my thinking regarding unconditional love has placed the lack of deserving conditions on the person receiving the love.  What about the giver of the love?  As married people (or those in or looking for serious relationships) we must realize that unconditional love doesn't just mean that "I'll love you even when you don't deserve it" but it also means that "I'll love you even when I don't want to". 

You see, when we think about God's unconditional love, we want to make ourselves the center of that love.  When in reality, unconditional love is more about the giver than the receiver.  Now, let's get back to that divorce rate.  How many marriages could be saved if both spouses thought about unconditional love from a giving perspective rather than a receiving perspective?  It's a heck-of-a lot easier for me to love my spouse when I want to rather than when I don't want to.  Did any of you married folks use "for better or for worse" in your wedding vows?  Kim and I did.  Let me give you my spin on "for better or worse".  Rather than saying "I take thee Kim to be my bride for better or worse..."  I should have said "I take thee Kim to be my bride and I promise to love you when you deserve it and when you don't and I promise to love you when I want to but especially when I don't".   

And really, I should be speaking from Kim's point of view.  If you know me and you know Kim, you know that I got the better end of the deal in this relationship.  She is smarter, better looking, better tempered, a better cook, and a better parent than I am.  She is much more loveable than I am.  I can guarantee that she has taught me about unconditional love.  There have been times in our marriage when I didn't deserve her love and worse, there have been times in our marriage when I was so unlovable that she just didn't want to love me.  She has always known how to love me unconditionally and that is why we aren't part of that divorce rate. 

You may have a perfect marriage or you may be struggling.   Either way, I encourage you to look to God for your strength like Kim does and love your spouse whether you want to or not.  Don't be another divorce statistic.  Also, teach your kids how to love like this by loving your spouse like this in front of kids.  If we really want to save our families it must start with us.

God loves you and I do too!

The Angels Are Coming

You may not know but Kim and I really enjoy the preaching of TD Jakes.  We watch him on TV and have bought several of his sermons on DVD.  In my opinion, he is one of the best preachers I've ever heard.  My thoughts tonight come from a sermon that I watched tonight.

Are any of you going through tough situations, tough battles that you are doing the best you can to do what is right and hold on to Jesus but you just don't know how you're going to finish?  You may feel emotionally drained, spiritually used up, and physically just plain tired.  I don't know if this applies to you but if you are in this situation now, you should know that Jesus was there too.  Mark 1:9-13 briefly tells how Jesus experiences the pinnacle of his ministry where he went from being Jesus to being Jesus Christ.  He was just baptized and God proclaims Jesus as His son and then the Holy Spirit descended on him as a dove.  So in this moment the three members of the God-head were together.

In an instant, the Holy Spirit that had just came to Jesus like a gentle dove was now driving Him to the wilderness to fast for 40 days.  Matthew 4:2 tells us that when the 40 days were up, Satan came to Jesus and tempted Him.  So Jesus has just put Himself through nothing less than 40 days of torture preparing Himself for temptation and building discipline for when the devil comes to tempt Him.

Where was God during this time?  The bible doesn't speak of God ministering to his Son during these 40 days.  As I mentioned in an earlier post, there are times in our Christian walk when God will remove Himself from us.

Have you ever felt like you were at the greatest moment of your Christian walk just to find yourself smack-dab in the middle of the biggest test of your life?  God does not temp us but he will test us.  How can we grow if we are never tested?  What good is a weeks worth of football practice if there isn't a game on Friday?  Why go to basketball camps and play AAU if there isn't a game to be played?  Most of our time is or should be spent preparing for these tests.  But what happens when the test is over?

When Jesus' test was over He was tired, exhausted, malnourished, and a physical and emotional wreck.  Do you think Jesus went without food for 40 days and wasn't hungry?  Do you think He went 40 days without food and didn't waste away to nothing?  Jesus was a human just like us.  At the end of those 40 days, He was beat down.  But then what happened?  Matthew 4:11 happened; "Then the devil left Him and angels came and attended Him". 

When Jesus was spent, when he went through the test and came out on top and had nothing left to give, God sent angels to attend to Him.  God will do the same for you if you hold on through the test.

Today, I encourage you to hold on and don't give up.  You keep fighting and when you don't have anything left just hold on because the angels are coming!

God loves you and I do too!

Life is NOT a Snapshot

I received a call today from someone with a real and immediate need.  This person had been betrayed and hurt at a level deeper than most of us can comprehend.  I don't want to go into detail but I promise that most people don't know the level and depth of this person's pain.  This person called me and before they could get out the first word, all I heard were tears and sobs.  They started telling me their story and I began to cry with them.  This person is a Christian and couldn't understand how this could happen.  And in the midst of our tears while I was giving them scripture that I hoped would comfort, God reminded me of a line from a Josh Wilson song that says "Life is not a Snapshot".  This song was written out of a hopeless situation where God brought in hope.

God wants you to know that life is not a snapshot.  So often, we experience pain that we can't comprehend and situations that we don't understand and we ask God "why?".  In that moment of hurt, it feels like this situation can never be better than it is now.  You may think "this is what my life will always be like because I can't imagine not hurting".  Like the guy says in the video link above, if we trust God with our eternity why don't we trust Him with our now?

While my friend was crying, I reminded them that God loves a broken and contrite heart and He will be near them (Psalm 34:18, Psalm 51:17) and that Jesus said "...I will be with you always, even to the end of the earth" (Matt 28:20).  I also told them that no matter how dismal this very moment seems, it's only a moment in time and God will provide healing; "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning" (Psalm 30:5).  Jesus said "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Cor 12:9). 

When we got off the phone, my friend was still crying and still hurting.  I couldn't take my friends hurt away just like I can't take your hurt away.  All I can do today is encourage you just like I tried to encourage this person.  Please click the link above and hear and example of how a family put their faith in God even when everyone told them not to.  I believe you will be encouraged just like I was.  Please remember that when you are down, alone, upset, and broken God is always with you and He hears your broken heart crying out to Him if you let it.

God loves you and I do too!  Merry Christmas.

Intention vs. Direction

On November 25th I wrote about good intentions.  I think we all have good intentions of doing something good.  I was talking with Jon Sweet yesterday at lunch and among the many various topics we discussed, Intention vs. Direction was one of them that kept me thinking long after we parted ways.

What gets you where you want to go?  What gets you from point A to point B?  Is it your intentions?  Just because you intend to go to Nashville tomorrow does that mean you will be in Nashville tomorrow?  If you intend to buy your best friend a Christmas present does that mean your friend will have a present from you under the tree?  No, of course not.  Just because you intend to do something doesn't mean it's going to happen. 

Now, let's go one step further.  If you intend on being a good person today, does that mean you will be?  If you intend on getting up early to read your bible does that mean you will?  If you intend to do the right thing, will you? 

The fact is; you aren't getting to Nashville until you start heading that direction.  You won't buy your friend a present until you go to the store (or shop on-line).  You won't be a good person today if you don't learn how to be one.  You won't get up early to read your bible if you don't set your alarm.  You won't do the right thing unless you just do it.

The point is that the saying "hell is paved with good intentions" is true.  How many people do you know that intend on going to hell?  Now, how many people do you know intend on going to Heaven?  See, no one wants to go or intends on going to hell.  Anyone that believes in heaven intends on going there.  But those intentions aren't enough.  There must be direction.  Just like our trip to Nashville, if we don't start heading down the path to get us where we want to go, we will never get there.

Therein lies the problem many of us have; getting started.  We all have or have had intentions of doing something grand in or with our lives.  Are there things that you have intended to do with your Christian life and you just haven't done?  I know a lot of people that read this blog are over 25 years old.  For those people, have you been the Christian that you "intended" on being when you were 15 or 20? 

Luckily, this is a situation that is easily fixed.  If you aren't heading where you want to go you simply stop, turn around, and start heading the right direction.  For some, this will seem like you are actually going backwards and you are right.  Here's a funny story to make my point.  Some time back, Jon and I were going to Nashville to meet up with Kim and Brooke.  We were heading down 321 and hamming it up as we pretty much always do.  Out of habit, I took I-75S...to go to Nashville.  Those of you who know how to get to Nashville know that I have messed up.  We made it about 15 miles when I realized what I did.  Well, there isn't a good shortcut to get to I-40W from where I was so my only option was to turn around and go back to 321 where I started and this is what I did.  Once I made it back to where I started, I could continue to I-40W.  Its the same way with our Christian walk.  When we head down the wrong path, we have to return to our first love before we can do anything else for Him (Rev 2:4-6). 

Intentions get you no where without adding direction to it.  The Devil will make you feel good about yourself because you have such good intentions even though something always seems to get in the way and you didn't accomplish what you intended.  He wants to see you fail and the best way to do that is to make you feel OK about not doing what you want because your mindset is "Well, I intended to do that but....(insert excuse here)".

Decide what direction to go and then go.

God loves you and I do too!  Merry Christmas

Layaway heros

I listen to K-love if I'm not listening to my ipod in my truck.  One story that they have been reporting on a lot lately is how there are a lot of people across the country that are secretly paying off people's layaway accounts at places like K-mart and Wal-Mart.  I thank God that there are people that have the means to help people and they are doing it.

I was thinking about what a great thing these people are doing and something hit me.  These people are just obeying God (or simply helping people if they aren't Christians).  God has blessed them financially and they are just doing a good work.  It's sad that we live in a day and time where people helping people has become so news worthy.   Isn't helping others part of "Love thy neighbor as thyself" (Matt 22:39)?    James 2:15-17 asks what good is it for you to pray for someone in need rather than actually doing something for them.  Jesus told the rich young ruler that he needs to sell everything he owns and give it to the poor (Luke 18:22).  God intends for Christians to take care of people.  When we became Christians, we gave God everything which includes our money so it is His to tell us how we should use it.  We gave Him our abilities so they are His to tell us who to help with them.  We gave him our time so it is His to tell us how to spend it.

And then, of course, this got me to thinking about what I do to help people.  Do I do enough with what God has given me to take care of someone simply because it's the right thing to do?  Have I turned a blind eye to someone in need?  How about you?  Are you doing what God wants you to with your money, time, and abilities?

Of course we're not going to discuss what we do here because the bible tells us to not let the left hand know what the right hand is doing (Matt 6:3). 

This is the time of year when most people do the most for those in need and I think that is absolutely great.  I hope we all take part in these charitable events.  I encourage you to look to help those in need all year.  Remember, "faith without works is dead" (James 2:17).

God loves you and I do too!