My Dad...

For the past 12 days I've wanted to write a new post to my blog so badly.  But each time I've thought about it all that would have came out is pure emotion, the kind that just comes off as being a whiner or victim or attention-getter and that's not who I am.  As most of you know, my dad died on 10/25/13. 

If you didn't know my dad and you spent some time with him, you would have thought that he was a bit harsh, sometimes rude, but always joyful.  I know that sounds like an odd combination but my dad was a simple man.  So simple, in fact, that he just didn't know better than to tell you what was on his mind.  He didn't mean anything by it, he just thought that the unadulterated truth was best.  Once you knew this is how dad was, it was enlightening to his behaviors.

You see, mostly what was on dad's mind was Jesus and he was going to tell you about it.  Dad loved Jesus with all of his heart.  He was so thankful that God had healed him from cancer (dad was cancer-free when he died, he died from a brain bleed).  Anyone dad met, he told them about his miracle.  If he knew you didn't go to church he would tell you that you need to go to church.  If he thought you may not be a Christian, he would ask you if you were going to heaven or not.

Dad is the only person that I've known to not have an agenda in his relationships.  What I mean is that he didn't love people expecting a benefit.  He had no ill will or malice in his heart so he just assumed no one else did either.  Dad taught me how to give people the benefit of the doubt.  

You had to be close to dad to understand this but dad just loved.  He loved every person that walked through his door because he knew they had came to see him.  He often cried when I got there and cried when I left.  Not because he was sad but because he was so happy to see me.  We enjoyed each other's company and we talked a lot but often we just sat.  So often, we (not just me but my brother Jody and our wives) would just sit.  Dad would sometimes doze off for a few minutes and when he woke up he would always say "I wasn't asleep, I was just resting my eyes".  We loved to watch football together.  We are both huge UT and Cowboy fans.  No matter how good or how bad our teams were, we loved watching them together....together.  If UT got down by as much as a touchdown, you could be guaranteed that dad would say "It's over, UT is beat".  Kim and I always got a good laugh out of that.

I miss my dad.  A couple of people have asked me if I would bring him back from heaven if I could.  To their surprise I said YES!!!  Are you kidding?  I would absolutely bring him back if I could.  Oh yeah, he would be mad at me because I took him away from Jesus but the way I look at it, he would get to go back.  I want him here with me.  I want one more fishing trip with him.  I want to hear him say "We're gonna catch us a whampus" one more time.  I'd like one more heaping bowl of ice cream with him.  Just one more time, I'd like to look at him sitting in his Lazy-Boy with his dog on his lap and him say to me in the most sincere voice "love you son".

I love you dad, see you soon.

John

Happy Birthday Little Brother!!

Regret!!!  Life is full of it.  In it's simplest form, regret is just the mindset of wishing you would have done something different, usually because of the outcome of a decision.  I try to teach my children to not have regret in life because it is very hard to fix.

My life is full of regret; I wish I would have tried harder in school, I wish I would have been closer to my grand parents whom are all dead now, I wish I would have insisted on playing Line-Backer full time instead of Defensive End, I wish I would have had short hair, I wish I would have tried contacts sooner, I wish I would have taken my relationship with God seriously, I wish I would have maintained friendships...... I think you get the picture.

Now what does all of this have to do with wishing my brother (Jody Knight) a Happy Birthday?  Well its simple, I have a lot of regret when it comes to the way I handled our relationship as children.  Anyone who knows us knows that we have completely different personalities and we always have since birth.  Basically, his personality was good and mine was bad.  I loved my brother but I was jealous of him because he was "cuter" or "nicer" than I was.  When you couple that jealousy with the fact that I was mean , I was more of a bully than a brother much of the time.  

Now don't get me wrong, we had a lot of fun.  We played football, baseball, and Nerf-hoop in our bedroom all the time and we played in the woods, swung on muscadine vines, played in the creek in the woods, went swimming, and rode our bikes a lot.  But for anyone who has ever been in a bad relationship, the memories that tend to stand out aren't the good ones, its the bad.  It would be too easy for me to tell too much about the negative so I think that I will just leave it at "I was mean to my brother, too mean".

After all these years I love my brother very much and I always have.  I have always been very proud of him.  I have the utmost respect for my brother.  He was a great athlete in school, he was was always smarter than me, and he beat me at every video game we ever played.  Now, he is a strong, reliable, Christian man.  He is a loving husband and loving father.  Like me, he isn't perfect but I think he is a lot closer than I am.  I've done what I know to do to let him know that I love him and I know that he knows that I love him.  The problem is that word "regret".  I just can't help but wonder how things would be today (for both of us and our families) if I would have let the love of Christ overshadow my relationship with my brother.

And you?  Do you have any regret like me?  You can't go back and undo what has been done but you can ask for forgiveness and then move on. Maybe you were on the other end of the stick and you are harboring hard feelings because of the way you were treated.  You must forgive.  

Regret isn't healthy but it is a fact.  All we can do is live our lives from this point on with no regret.  If you live today completely for Jesus, then tomorrow, you won't regret what you did yesterday.

I love you and God does too!