Pretty Woman

Who would have thought that I could have been inspired by Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman?  Pretty Woman is one of my wife's favorite movies and when she stumbled onto it this week she had to watch it.  What stood out to me was a moment in the film when Richard Gere was telling her how pretty and smart she was.  Then, he said something like he didn't understand why she couldn't see it.  She said "it's easier to believe the bad". 

That one statement spoke volumes to me.  As a father with three daughters, I'm always conscience of my daughter's self-esteem.  My wife is so very good at watching out for their self-esteem.  I try to say the right things but I just don't measure up to her.  We are fortunate to have three beautiful (inside and out) girls.  But I can't help to think about all of the pretty girls that I knew in high school that thought they were ugly.  Back then, I just wrote it off and assumed they just said that so they would hear someone tell them "you're not ugly, you're pretty".  Now that I'm older I can look back and see, based on the way some of them made decisions, they really did think they were ugly.

After all these years of Dateline reports, news reports, and other studies that I've been exposed to, mostly common sense stuff I guess, low self-esteem can cause a young woman to do things that aren't very Godly.  Low self-esteem is a tool that the devil uses against our teens to deceive them into making very bad decisions.  How many teenage girls have you known that have made some really bad decisions involving a boy that just didn't make sense?  I'll go out on a limb and say 99% of those bad decisions are because of low self-esteem.  Why?  Why does someone that is so pretty need to feel accepted by a boy so badly that they will do anything to win his approval?

The fact is that the devil will use one single thing to tear a teenager down.  For some reason, no matter how much good that has been said about you and to you, it only takes one bad thing to shake your self-esteem.  Like Julia Roberts said "it's easier to believe the bad".   That's why, as a parent, we MUST tell our children how good, pretty, or smart they are.  Starting from the day our kids can understand what we say we must give them positive reinforcement.  Because there is going to come a day when some immature boy or girl tells them "you’re not as pretty as you think you are" or they aren't going to win the starting position that they've worked so hard for.  You can be guaranteed that there will be times that will shake your child's self-esteem.  It happened to me and I bet it happened to you.  When that time comes, will there be enough good that it makes it at least harder to believe the bad?

Dad's, your daughters HAVE to know (not just think or wonder) that you think they are the prettiest girl alive.  They have to know that you believe in them.  Mom and Dad, they have to know that when the chips are down, they have parents they can go to who will help them and pray with them.  You must teach them what it means to be "fearfully and wonderfully made" Psalms 139:14.  I know it's hard but we have to teach them that God's acceptance is the only acceptance that they need.  Dad's, I know it's hard for us to pay compliments sometimes.  I don't know why, it just is.  But for your children's sake, we must do a better job of complimenting them.

And above all, pray, pray, pray.  Build a hedge of prayer around your children to help protect them from the bad that the devil is going to send their way.

I love you and God does too!

Kicked out, Part II

As if getting kicked out of a HS Gym on Tuesday night wasn't bad enough, the TSSAA decided that "the fan must be disciplined". So the Loudon County director of schools, in his infinite wisdom decided that I should be suspended for a game. Nevermind the fact that I had already been ejected and apparently an additional warning wouldn't have been good enough so now I must miss one of Kassidi's games. As you can imagine, I wasn't happy.

I have NEVER had the victim mentality but in the past few weeks, it seems that I was getting pushed around by people that are in authority. I have had to just "roll-over" in order to keep from rocking the boat. I guess I have had enough of this so I really felt the need to defend myself, to appeal this decision. The only phone number that I had access to was the Athletic Director at my daughter's school so I called her. Now any of you that know me know that I don't mix words, I don't beat around the bush, and I am terribly blunt. Add these combinations to someone who feels like they have been wronged and you have a volitile situation.

The conversation was direct from the outset so because of this I put the AD on the defensive so she wasn't about to admit any wrong doing and I wasn't either. Long story short, I really handled the AD poorly and unfairly. Although I was never abusive or unprofessional, I came across as very offensive to the AD because of my tone and direct approach. She was offended, I was offended, and there was no resolution so when we got off the phone, neither of us felt good about it. She went to the game and told my wife how upset she was and I stayed home and fumed over the situation.

During all of this, I would occasionally question myself as to whether I was doing the right thing or not and I never could resolve to the fact that I was, especially after the confrontation with the AD. Nevertheless, I fumed and plotted anyway. By the time I went to bed last night, I was formulating a plan to "get them back" for what they did to me. What I didn't realize was that I was giving Satan a stronghold to try to hold me back with.

My attitude was so bad this morning that I completely missed my quiet time with God and I was still thinking about what I was going to do next. At that moment, I realized how displeasing to God I had been and was being. You see, to seek revenge or even to just argue my case to the point of offending someone was caused by pride. Something had been done to "me" and "I" had to do something about it. I looked at myself in the mirror and just said "nahhh, I'm not going to be like this". Within a minute, I felt the self-inflicted burden lift off my shoulders. I knew what I had to do next, I had to apologize the AD. I called her on her cell phone and left an apology on her VM but asked that she call me back so I could apologize directly. She called me and I apologized. I know that the hurt I had inflicted on her was deeper than I knew by her reaction to me but I think, I hope, that she accepted my apology.

I should have done this last night because the bible says to not let the sun go down on your wrath (Eph 4:26) but taking care of it first thing this morning was definitely better than letting it fester. Whats done is done and I'm not going to chase this any more.

I use my blog as an encouragement to others and today, you see how NOT to live your life. Don't be consumed by anger when you are offended. Don't take your frustrations out on anyone. Don't let the sun go down on your wrath. And I guess most of all, don't get kicked out of a basketball game.

God loves you and I do too!

PS--a special thanks goes to the love of my life Kim Knight. That woman supported me even when she thought I was wrong, without challenging me. She took some of my frustration with patience, love, and kindness without getting frustrated with me and without judging me. Kim is the best wife in the world and I this is just another reason why I love her so much.

The battle is in your mind!

God laid something on Kim's heart that I just had to share with you. After reading this, I told her she should start her own blog. She listens to God's voice soooo well.

Strongholds defined...What if every negative, bitter, angry, unforgiving thought gave the devil power in your life? Would that make a difference in how you thought?

Imagine you begin each day with 1,000 coins. My mental image of these coins are much like the coins the Super Mario Brothers are trying to collect. These coins are used to buy GLORY, but we are not allowed to buy glory for ourselves. We must choose who we want to be glorified by our thoughts. With every thought you must pay one coin. If your thought is a noble, loving, good, or admirable one (Phillipians 4:8) then you give that coin to God to glorify Him. Does God need your coins (thoughts)? Absolutely not, but we all need to give them to Him (Ezekial 11:5). Because if our thought is an unmerciful, bitter, wicked, angry, jealous, unforgiving, or hateful thought then we must give that coin (thought) to the devil.

The devil wishes to have all of our coins because as long as we are giving our thoughts to him we give him power in our lives (Strongholds, Ephesians 6:12) and we do not glorify God.  Wait a minute! Did you just say that I'm giving power to the devil? In MY life??? Does that mean that my thoughts can effect my everyday living, my families lives and all my relationships? Absolutely! (Prov 23:7, Rom 8:5-8) The devil came to kill, steal and destroy our lives (John 10:10). The devil wants us to be bitter, angry, wicked, jealous, unforgiving and merciless people so that he may own us one day (C.S. Lewis says the same thing in the Screw Tape Letters). So please understand that every thought you give the devil, YOU give him MORE power and incentive to wreck your life and to destroy your relationship with God.  He feeds off your unGodly thoughts and will reproduce more unGodly thoughts once you give him the chance. Yes, we control our mind(2 Cor 10:3-6). Take responsibility of your own thoughts. We have the authority to choose to think of Godly thoughts or to dwell on the wicked(Phil 4:4-8).

Why do you think so many hurt people have said that their battle is in their mind?  It's because one angry thought turns into 10 wicked thoughts. I don't know about you but when someone has hurt me I have spent a lot of time dwelling on the subject. The most innocent thought can remind me of a time when I have been hurt by someone. That one thought if left in my mind to dwell, will snowball and eventually cause an avalanche that will ruin the next few hours or even longer time of my life.  All of the sudden I remember more reasons I should be hurt. Now I am not only hurt, I am angry. Jealousy, Rage and Revenge soon come busting in my mind and now I have all the elements for one wicked party. Truly, a wicked party taking place in my mind. Suddenly, I begin to rationalize how I need to hurt this person back....make them feel what I felt.  God's grace and mercy are no where to be found because I didn't allow them to enter my mind.

How many times have you heard, "well, I can forgive but I will never forget". They might as well empty their coin bag into the devils purse because this person is giving the devil power in their life.  The devil wants the battle to be in your mind.  He wants you to never forget the hurt people have caused you. This gives not only power, but more opportunities to take your coins. With the coins, satan purchases strongholds in your life. He uses these strongholds to keep you right where he wants you until he is able to push you further and further away from your first love, God. We think, "well I just thought it, I didn't say it" will make us a better person. It may keep you out of an argument with your spouse or friend but thinking like that makes you a targeted person of Satan and his strongholds.

If we choose to take the thought of anger, hatred, bitterness, lust or hurtfulness and immediately change it into a merciful, loving, forgiving, obedient and thankful thought based on God's grace, we glorify God! Through God's power we are able to grow closer to Him and be restored.

Do not take lightly the thoughts of your mind. Just because they are not audible to others does not mean that they are not destructive. Pray that God will help you hold your thoughts captive. Talk to God every hour(1 Thessalonians 5:17), do not eat the bread of idleness when it comes to your prayer life. Think of prayer as your line of defense against Satan. If you want to be angry about something~be angry that the devil is looking to cash in on your thoughts. Take back your coins and give them to God...the One who wants you to not only live, but to live life abundantly (John 10:10).

God loves you and Kim and I do too!

Living with the effects of sin

Romans 8:1 says that there is no condemnation for those that are in Christ because we are set free by God (paraphrased).  I don't know about you but I've done things that even though I knew I had been forgiven, I still felt condemnation sometimes.  There are a couple of things that I want to touch on briefly that I hope will help someone.

First, if you don't want the condemnation, you can't stop at Rom 8:1.  You have to get to Romans 8:5 that says "...but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires."  As you grow in Christ, you have to realize that you no longer have any rights or ownership of property.  When you mature in Christ, you know that everything we have belongs to Him and you no longer have personal rights because you are a slave to Him.  To grow into that realization you must have your mind not only on God (the Spirit in v.5) but you will also have your mind fixed on what He wants.  When we do this, the condemnation must go away because God has forgiven us, so we don't have the right to feel condemned by sin even though He has forgiven us for it.

Second, let's face it, once you have committed a sin it doesn't go away.  I can be forgiven for murder till the cows come home but that won't bring back the person that I killed.  I know that is an extreme example but the same holds true for all sin.  Sin has an effect.  Whether it is lying, stealing, murder, adultery, fornication, homosexuality, or jealousy, there is always a scar left behind by sin.  David said my sin is against you and you alone (Psalm 51:4), so why is it that someone else felt the pain of my sin?  That's what I mean when I say that sin has an effect.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that even though we are forgiven of our sins as soon as we ask for forgiveness and repent (turn away from), we still must live down the effects of my sin.

If I steal from my boss, God will forgive me but I will probably still get fired.  If I shoplift from Wal-Mart God will forgive me but I will still go to jail for shoplifting.  If I lie to my friend God will forgive me but it will be a while before my friend trusts me.  Where the devil tries to steal our joy and victory is when he tries to convince us that this act of living down the effect of our sin is condemnation.  If he can do that then he can then begin deceiving you that either A) the bible was wrong, there is condemnation in Christ or B) you really aren't forgiven.

Now comes the hard part; the people that feel the effects of our sin the most (or the one's we have hurt), tend to remind us about our sin even after they have forgiven us.  Ouch!  It can really be hard when other people are effected by our sin because people are the best tools that the devil has to steal our victory and create strongholds.  For that matter, let an old-fashioned church find out about your sin.  You'll never get away from the looks of contempt, you'll never forget your sin.  People are cruel and they forget that they have been forgiven and, like you, they aren't perfect either.

I know I could talk for days about this topic but I shouldn't so I'm gonna sum it up like this; if you have been forgiven you are not condemned.  Others will remind you of your sin but don't let that steal your victory.  Sometimes you just have to grin and bear it.  Help others get past your sin by proving to them that you are worthy of their forgiveness by being Godly.

Let me know if you have an opinion on this or if you would like me to go deeper.

God loves you and I do too!

Needle in a Hay Stack Life

Kim's favorite band, Switchfoot, sings a song called "Needle in a hay stack life".  As the title suggests, many of us are or have been leading a life where we are looking for something that is almost impossible to find.  Are you?  Am I?  I can't answer for you but I can confidently answer a resounding NO for me.  When I started this blog, I did it so I could share my faith and what's going on in my life at the moment.  All of my posts have dealt with something that God had been dealing with me about.  Today's is a little different.  Today I want to share my blessings with you.

I would like to tell you that my "Needle in a hay stack life" ended when I got saved when I was 6 years old.  Unfortunately for me it didn't.  That was of no fault of anyone's but my own.  Although I was saved, it was years before I really surrendered my life to Christ.  I made bad decisions, really bad decisions along the way where I gave the devil strong holds in my life.  Sound familiar to anyone?  I would like to tell you that the best thing, besides Christ, that happened to me was a good decision I made on my own but I can't.  I didn't decide to fall in love with Kim Blankenship, I had no choice.  The instant that Kim and I spent time together I knew that she was the one that God intended me to be with and I was instantly in love with her.  It was Kim that taught me how to love, how to love unconditionally, and what true Godly love is.

Needle in a hay stack life?  Not me!  I'm not searching for the impossible.  I no longer have a God-shaped hole in my heart and I no longer have a Kim-shaped hole in my life.  Has our relationship always been perfect?  No.  Will our relationship always be perfect?  No.  But the key for us is that when troubles come, we lean on God and we learn from them.  We try to live our life by some simple advice.  It's my job to make her happy, and it's her job to be happy when it's obvious that I'm trying to make her happy.  That may be a good topic for a post right there!

A lot of people that I know that aren't content and are living that "Needle in a hay stack life" fail to be happy with what God has given them.  They tend to focus on any negative aspect of what they have rather than all of the positive aspects.  If they are saved, they already have found the needle.  The problem is that they don't know how to use it along with the thread they have to sew and patch the holes in their life.  Have you ever tried to sew a patch onto a hole without the needle?  It would be futile.  You must have the needle first.  Christ is the answer, period.  However, for real and practical living we need to know how to use him.  Proverbs 3:5,6 tells us to "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all ways submit to him and he will make your path straight."   You can't just put part of your trust in Him, you have to trust Him with "ALL" of your heart, not just part of it.

I want you to notice that He didn't tell us that we wouldn't have to travel the path and that the path wouldn't be hard sometimes.  He just promised to make it straight.

I wish you all the happiness and blessings that God will allow you to receive.

God loves you and I do too!