Pretty Woman

Who would have thought that I could have been inspired by Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman?  Pretty Woman is one of my wife's favorite movies and when she stumbled onto it this week she had to watch it.  What stood out to me was a moment in the film when Richard Gere was telling her how pretty and smart she was.  Then, he said something like he didn't understand why she couldn't see it.  She said "it's easier to believe the bad". 

That one statement spoke volumes to me.  As a father with three daughters, I'm always conscience of my daughter's self-esteem.  My wife is so very good at watching out for their self-esteem.  I try to say the right things but I just don't measure up to her.  We are fortunate to have three beautiful (inside and out) girls.  But I can't help to think about all of the pretty girls that I knew in high school that thought they were ugly.  Back then, I just wrote it off and assumed they just said that so they would hear someone tell them "you're not ugly, you're pretty".  Now that I'm older I can look back and see, based on the way some of them made decisions, they really did think they were ugly.

After all these years of Dateline reports, news reports, and other studies that I've been exposed to, mostly common sense stuff I guess, low self-esteem can cause a young woman to do things that aren't very Godly.  Low self-esteem is a tool that the devil uses against our teens to deceive them into making very bad decisions.  How many teenage girls have you known that have made some really bad decisions involving a boy that just didn't make sense?  I'll go out on a limb and say 99% of those bad decisions are because of low self-esteem.  Why?  Why does someone that is so pretty need to feel accepted by a boy so badly that they will do anything to win his approval?

The fact is that the devil will use one single thing to tear a teenager down.  For some reason, no matter how much good that has been said about you and to you, it only takes one bad thing to shake your self-esteem.  Like Julia Roberts said "it's easier to believe the bad".   That's why, as a parent, we MUST tell our children how good, pretty, or smart they are.  Starting from the day our kids can understand what we say we must give them positive reinforcement.  Because there is going to come a day when some immature boy or girl tells them "you’re not as pretty as you think you are" or they aren't going to win the starting position that they've worked so hard for.  You can be guaranteed that there will be times that will shake your child's self-esteem.  It happened to me and I bet it happened to you.  When that time comes, will there be enough good that it makes it at least harder to believe the bad?

Dad's, your daughters HAVE to know (not just think or wonder) that you think they are the prettiest girl alive.  They have to know that you believe in them.  Mom and Dad, they have to know that when the chips are down, they have parents they can go to who will help them and pray with them.  You must teach them what it means to be "fearfully and wonderfully made" Psalms 139:14.  I know it's hard but we have to teach them that God's acceptance is the only acceptance that they need.  Dad's, I know it's hard for us to pay compliments sometimes.  I don't know why, it just is.  But for your children's sake, we must do a better job of complimenting them.

And above all, pray, pray, pray.  Build a hedge of prayer around your children to help protect them from the bad that the devil is going to send their way.

I love you and God does too!

Is Divorce really what you want?

If you've been divorced this post may offend you. If it does, I'm so sorry because that certainly isn't my intent. But if you are married and especially married with children, this post is for you. We know what the Bible says about divorce and I think so many have heard it so many times that they may tend to ignore it; mostly because, I think, people know that God will forgive them when they do wrong. Given that, I'm not going to reference God or His will. I just want to focus on marriage.

Book after book has been written on this subject so I'm sure that I may not have any original thoughts. Tonight, Kalli and I went to Olive Garden and a lady with her two young girls was eating beside us and she didn't have a wedding ring on. Does that mean she is divorced? No. But going with the odds, she probably is. They were happy and having a fun time but I thought about how sad it was that these girls daddy wasn't with them.

When you first got married and were in love, did you say things to your newlywed spouse like "if we stay together" or "I hope we make it"? I doubt it. Those newlywed emotions run deep and hot, so hot that they tend to cool off after a while. That's no surprise and certainly not a profound statement. What's left when the newlywed feelings aren't so hot is marriage. Too many couples focus so hard on those newlywed feelings that they lose sight of why they have those feelings. They have them because they are with the one that they love and it's exciting to know that you will have them the rest of your life. That is the phrase that too many couples let go of so quickly; "the rest of your life". If your wedding vows were like mine and Kim's they included a "till death do us part" and "through better and/or worse". That is one heck of a commitment, a life-long commitment.

So when couples with children get divorced, what do they teach their children? First, they teach them that it is OK to quit on what is important. We teach our children to not quit. If they start something they can't quit. The more effort a kid puts into something, like sports, the more we encourage them when things get hard. We tell them something like "you've put so much into this, you've worked so hard, please don't quit now or you will regret it for the rest of your life". A friend of mine had a son who wanted to quit a sport during his senior season. He told him that the decision is his son's but he encouraged him not to quit and explained in great detail the impact it would have on the rest of his life. Even though it was hard and his situation didn't get easier, the boy stuck with it. He was glad he did and had no regrets for it.

A divorce also teaches kids that things worth having aren't worth working for. We teach our kids "if it's worth having then it's worth working for". How is the biggest commitment that you've ever made not worth working for? We teach our kids that if you want to be smart, you have to study. If you want to make better grades, you have to study harder. We all want a better marriage yet so many aren't willing to put any more effort into it.

In my opinion the problem boils down to two simple things; pride and selfishness.  I know this isn't new information but I can't stress how important these two things are and how they have no place in marriage. So if I'm telling you to work to keep your marriage, what work do you do? From my own experience, Kim and I spent a lot of time "working" at keeping those newlywed feelings. We spent years trying to get back that newlywed passion that we had. But if you want that fire back in your marriage or if you just want to keep your marriage the work shouldn't be spent on kindling passion and emotions. When you work at those things, you are trying to do work on your spouse. If it doesn't work then you may blame your spouse instead of yourself. The real work that needs to take place in marriage is the work that you do on you.

Most people, if not all, don't want to admit they are selfish. But you show me a failing marriage and I'll show you a marriage where one or both spouses are selfish. What is being selfish? Being selfish is simply putting your wants and needs ahead of your spouses. I'm not talking about serving yourself before your spouse. I'm not talking about spending your money on your spouse instead of yourself. What I'm talking about is when your feelings, your happiness is more important than your spouses. If you are struggling in your marriage, I encourage you to look inward at yourself first. Are you putting your happiness ahead of your spouse? Are you not giving your spouse what they want because "God didn't make you like that"? It's all about effort. Your spouse needs to see that you are willing to do ANYTHING for them, even if it's out of your comfort zone. And I'm really talking about meeting emotional needs not physical needs. Physical needs are important but emotional needs are so much more important. Your spouse needs, I mean really needs to know that you love them and they really are important enough to you that you committed the rest of your life to them.

What keeps people from being unselfish? Pride. Plain and simple, pride keeps you from doing the things your spouse needs and wants. When was the last time you said you were sorry when you really weren't? When was the last time that you held your tongue instead of saying what was on your mind? If you tend to say what is on your mind, even if it starts a fight then you have pride issues. If you never apologize just to keep the peace, especially before a fight starts, then you have pride issues. We teach our kids to take pride in what they do and we should. That kind of pride is good. When was the last time you thought about taking pride in your marriage? Or more, when was the last time that you took pride in your spouse? When was the last time that you felt proud to be married to them?

Marriage is hard, I know. Divorce rates are at 50% or higher inside and outside of the church. You can't worry about statistics and you can't use them as an excuse. A long time ago, I learned that if you wanted to succeed at anything you had to avoid "relative comparisons". Relative comparisons are when you compare what you're doing to someone else. It's when you say "I may not be great but I'm better than my neighbor". In marriage, we can't do that. The only thing that is important in marriage (outside of God) is your spouse. IT'S NOT YOU. You married the person that you're living with (or separated from) with the intention to be with them until you die. So you can't settle for a failing marriage and justify it because it hasn't failed yet like your neighbors did.

Love isn't that passion you felt as a newlywed. Love is the commitment you made to your spouse. Love is "till death do us part" and "for better or worse". If you want to teach your kids one of the most valuable lessons they could learn, show them how to love.

I know it is hard to do these things when your spouse isn't. But I can almost guarantee that if you put in the effort to work on yourself, your spouse will notice. If you haven't seen the movie "Firerproof" or haven't seen it in a while, watch it and watch it soon. Like I said, my thoughts aren't original they just can't be said enough.

I know there are times when divorce can't be avoided like spousal abuse. If your spouse is abusing you, I encourage you to get out now. However, there is a difference between being insensitive and being abusive.

I encourage you, I beg you, to strive for a prosperous marriage. I know you think your spouse is the problem and you may be right. However, if you will look to be a better spouse your efforts won't go unnoticed. It may take a while but it will be well worth it in the end. I can't think of a time when I said to myself "I wish I would have started that fight instead of holding my tongue".  If you need prayer about this Kim and I would be happy to pray for you.  You can reach me at johnkn.home@gmail.com.

If you live completely for Jesus today, you won't regret tomorrow what you did yesterday.
I love you and God does too!
John

Does Bad Company Really Corrupt Good Character?

Bad company corrupts good character.  That's what my mom told me.  That's what I've told my children.  That's what I've told converted Christians that wanted to witness in bars.  But does bad company really corrupt good character???

When I think about the life of Jesus I have to answer "not all of the time".  Jesus was our perfect example and, other than the disciples, He hung out with bad company.  Where did Jesus eat many of his meals?  He ate with tax collectors who were considered the worst sinners because they generally stole from the poor.  Tax collectors like Zacchaeus (Luke 19:1-10) and Matthew (Matt:9-11) hosted Jesus.  But according to Matt 9:10,11 there were plenty of sinners there.  Sinners like tax collectors, prostitutes, and Pharisees.  In Matt 9:12 Jesus went on to say that "It isn't the healthy that need a doctor but the sick", referring to "bad company" as the sick.

So bad company only corrupts good character some of the time.  Really?  I wonder which times that is.  This just doesn't make sense to me.  Jesus is our perfect example, our moral compass if you will (WWJD).  Jesus said that the "bad company" are the ones that need a physician so we need to know which bad company will corrupt good character and which ones won't.

The problem with my thinking is that I'm focusing on the bad company as being the problem.  Really, the problem with bad company corrupting good character isn't the bad company.  Bad company is bad company, we shouldn't be surprised when sinners sin.  Good character on the other hand is a different story.  Good character isn't supposed to go bad.  

When Jesus went to the men with leprosy (Luke 17:11-19) Jesus didn't catch it.  He healed them.  When Jesus hung out with sinners He didn't sin, His good character was incorruptible. In my opinion, the reason for this is because everywhere that He went He looked to serve in as humble and loving way possible.  I'm not saying that He served up booze, porn, or drugs.  What I am saying is that He served with love, providing what the bad company really needed, with love.  He didn't tell the prostitute and tax collectors "YOUR GOING TO HELLLLLL".  That's what He basically told the Pharisees.  

So with all of that, I have to make the declaration that bad company does NOT corrupt good character!  However, I will say that "bad company corrupts average character" or "bad company corrupts mediocre character".  

The type of ministry that Jesus did is not for the faint of heart.  We like to compare ourselves to the disciples and hope that we can find similarities.  The fact is that Jesus did not let His disciples minister to "bad company" unequipped.  Jesus told them to wait on the Holy Spirit (Luke 24:49, John 14: 16,17) after He was crucified.  The reason was He knew that they must have the power of the Holy Spirit to be able to endure and maintain there good character.

God has called us to witness in the highways and byways (Luke 14:23).  He wants us to server others.  You've heard the saying that "love is a verb", well Christianity should be an action word too.  Am I telling you to go to a bar alone to witness?  Absolutely not!  However, you should listen to the Holy Spirit and go where He draws you.  If you find yourself in a situation where you aren't serving the "bad company" that you are around, you should probably ask yourself why you are there.

Live for Jesus completely today so that tomorrow, you won't regret what you did yesterday.

God loves you and I do too!

Happy Birthday Little Brother!!

Regret!!!  Life is full of it.  In it's simplest form, regret is just the mindset of wishing you would have done something different, usually because of the outcome of a decision.  I try to teach my children to not have regret in life because it is very hard to fix.

My life is full of regret; I wish I would have tried harder in school, I wish I would have been closer to my grand parents whom are all dead now, I wish I would have insisted on playing Line-Backer full time instead of Defensive End, I wish I would have had short hair, I wish I would have tried contacts sooner, I wish I would have taken my relationship with God seriously, I wish I would have maintained friendships...... I think you get the picture.

Now what does all of this have to do with wishing my brother (Jody Knight) a Happy Birthday?  Well its simple, I have a lot of regret when it comes to the way I handled our relationship as children.  Anyone who knows us knows that we have completely different personalities and we always have since birth.  Basically, his personality was good and mine was bad.  I loved my brother but I was jealous of him because he was "cuter" or "nicer" than I was.  When you couple that jealousy with the fact that I was mean , I was more of a bully than a brother much of the time.  

Now don't get me wrong, we had a lot of fun.  We played football, baseball, and Nerf-hoop in our bedroom all the time and we played in the woods, swung on muscadine vines, played in the creek in the woods, went swimming, and rode our bikes a lot.  But for anyone who has ever been in a bad relationship, the memories that tend to stand out aren't the good ones, its the bad.  It would be too easy for me to tell too much about the negative so I think that I will just leave it at "I was mean to my brother, too mean".

After all these years I love my brother very much and I always have.  I have always been very proud of him.  I have the utmost respect for my brother.  He was a great athlete in school, he was was always smarter than me, and he beat me at every video game we ever played.  Now, he is a strong, reliable, Christian man.  He is a loving husband and loving father.  Like me, he isn't perfect but I think he is a lot closer than I am.  I've done what I know to do to let him know that I love him and I know that he knows that I love him.  The problem is that word "regret".  I just can't help but wonder how things would be today (for both of us and our families) if I would have let the love of Christ overshadow my relationship with my brother.

And you?  Do you have any regret like me?  You can't go back and undo what has been done but you can ask for forgiveness and then move on. Maybe you were on the other end of the stick and you are harboring hard feelings because of the way you were treated.  You must forgive.  

Regret isn't healthy but it is a fact.  All we can do is live our lives from this point on with no regret.  If you live today completely for Jesus, then tomorrow, you won't regret what you did yesterday.

I love you and God does too!

I want to be like him

By reading this, I'm sure you know that my dad was diagnosed with a brain tumor Tuesday night. Since then, I've spent a lot of time with him and the rest of my family. My brother, Jody, has hardly left his side. While I have been with him, I've paid close attention to him. I've come to many conclusions over the past few days but one is resonating with me right now. No matter how old I get, I want to be like my dad when I grow up.

When I was a boy, I thought my dad drove a train because he worked at ALCOA where all the train tracks were. I thought that was awesome. So when I grew up, I wanted to be like my dad and drive a train.

When I was 8 or 9 years old, we lost power in a storm. We had a well for water so if there was no electricity there was no water. If there was no water, we couldn't flush commodes. Once the sun went down, this was a precarious situation for me because I did not want to go up in the woods to use the bathroom because it was dark and I was afraid. Not dad. When he needed to go, he took off and didn't even take a flash light. He wasn't scared one bit. When I grew up, I wanted to be just like my dad because he wasn't afraid of anything.

As I became a teen, I would meet people that my dad worked with. Sometimes they would say, "there isn't a more honest man than John Knight. I hope you're as honest as he is". Or they would tell me some story about how dad worked out a difficult situation with the Union at ALCOA and would say "you're lucky if you're as smart as your dad". But my favorite and the one used most often was when they would always say "Oh! your John's boy. If you grow up to be half the man your dad is you will be a good man". So when I grew up, I wanted to be like my dad because he was a good man.

Today I watched a man, stricken with a brain tumor pray for the preacher that was praying for him. Today, I watched my dad give thanks to God because no matter what, he knows that God will take care of him. I watched as he witnessed to every nurse and doctor that came in his room. When I grow up, I want to be like my dad, I want to be someone that is NEVER ashamed or scared to talk about Jesus to anyone.

As I type this blog, my dad and I are listening to a CD of my mom singing and Betty Bowman playing the piano. Right as I thought he was asleep, he raised up and as he cried happy tears he said:

"Son, I love that woman! Listen to that voice, have you ever heard anything more beautiful in your life? We've been together for nearly 50 years and we've had our struggles; some my fault and some her fault, but through it all, we are more in love today than we have ever been. I love your mother so much, I could never make it without her. Just listen to her. There is nothing more beautiful to my ears as your mother's voice, listen".

With that, he laid back and just listened. I want to be able to look back at nearly 50 years of marriage and say "through it all, we are more in love today than ever". When I grow up, I want to be just like my dad.

I love you and God does too!!

Daddy's little Girl

Early this week when I took Kassi to school, I dropped her off at Mary Blount Elementary. When we left our house on Bingham Lane, we kissed Kim and my baby Kalli goodbye. As I walked Kassi into Kindergarten, we talked about all the fun things she would do that day. She gave me a big kiss and a big hug when we got to her class room.

When I got home from work, Kim and I sat at the dinner table with my 6 year-old Kassi and my 17 month old Kalli. Kassi told us about her day. I asked if she had any boyfriends and she said "daddy, I'll never have a boyfriend because I'm going to marry you when I grow up". At this moment, if you were in my mind, you could hear the loud sound of screeching tires coming to an abrupt stop in my head. THAT WASN'T LAST WEEK!!! THAT WAS 10 YEARS AGO!!!

Oh my how time flies. It really does seem like yesterday that my kids were so young. Now, Kassi is 16 and Kalli is 11 and we brought Kelsi into the mix a couple of years ago. It still amazes both Kim and me that we a) have three kids b) one of them is 16 and c) one of them is 2. An 11 year-old maybe, surely we are the right age for an 11-year old. But I feel way to young for a 16 year-old and way too old for a two year-old.

It seems like just early this week, I didn't have to worry about Kassi dating because she was going to marry me and live with Kim and me forever. I know that was just early this week, had to be. Last night, reality sunk in as Kassi and I sat watching her boyfriend play football. When did this happen??!! Early this week, it seemed like my worries about Kassi were "I hope the other kids don't make fun of her for being too tall", "Kassi is a loner, I hope she learns to make friends", "I hope the teacher is good to her", and "I hope she talks to other kids about Jesus". My worries have changed significantly. Now my worries are "I hope Kassi stays away from boys", "I hope Kassi stays away from boys", "I hope Kassi stays away from boys"...I think you get the picture.

The fact is that as Kassi grows up, she is not going to stay away from boys. She is a beautiful, smart young woman and the boys have noticed that. So my focus as a father has changed over the years from "Boy bad, ball good" to "I must pick the right Husband for Kassi. I know you're thinking that I'm crazy for saying that I'm gong to pick her husband and in that sense, you're right. However, when I say that I'm going to pick her husband I mean that it is up to me to see to it that that she only date appropriate suitors.

I want my daughters to marry a man of God and I will do everything in my power to see to that. He must be a man, not that he has to be 6'3" and 225 lbs and can bench press 400 lbs. That isn't the definition of a man. A man, first and foremost, is a man of God. This means he is a protector, provider, leader and a teacher. He must be Godly and holy. He must put God ahead of everything.

Any boy that wants to date my daughter must not only live up to my standards but to God's standards. He will come to the door each time to pick my daughter up and he will come inside to speak with me. He will not wait in his car. He will open doors for my daughter. He will speak to her as though I were standing over them during every conversation. He will read his bible and be prepared for conversations with me about what he has been reading. He will only touch her in a way that he would as if I were with them. He will not use foul or vulgar language. He will not use alcohol or drugs. He will not associate with people that do use alcohol or drugs.

Fathers, it is our responsibility for our daughters to know what a man of God looks like. Does your daughters see you do any of the things on my list that I would not allow a boy to do to my daughter? Do they see you do the things that I said the boy should do? You want to know what kind of husband your daughter may end up with? Look at yourself. If you have a good relationship with your wife and daughter, she is going to want to marry someone like you, good bad or indifferent. Because lets face it, every little girl wants to marry her daddy when she grows up.

I love you and God does too!

Love and Babe Ruth

I ripped off Dennis Rainey yesterday so I thought I would do it again today.  Here is something that I read last month and it has resonated with me ever since.  One of my favorite scriptures is 1 Pet 4:8 "Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins".  I know in my life and my marriage, I have counted on the love of others toward me to cover my sins to offer forgiveness so I try to be careful to do the same.  The story below from Mr. Rainey is a great example of what Jesus was talking about when he said we must accept the Kingdom of Heaven like a child (Matt 18:2-5).
 
I can’t attribute this story to its source, but a number of years ago I read a story about Babe Ruth. At the end of his legendary baseball career, the Babe had become obviously overweight. During one of his final contests, he bungled several fly balls in the outfield and struck out weakly with every plate appearance. Fans who had seen or heard about his once-proud exploits were now quick with catcalls, mocking this man who had hit twice as many home runs as anyone else in baseball.

But as the jeering got louder and louder, a little boy leaped over the railing and onto the playing field. With tears streaming down his face, he ran to the Babe and threw his arms around the legs of the fading athlete. Babe Ruth reached down, picked up the boy and hugged him tight. Then setting him down and patting him on the head, they walked hand in hand toward the dugout, while the jeers turned to cheers. Hardly an eye remained dry in the whole place.

The crowd had been correct in their assessment, of course. The Babe had let much of his athletic prowess go to seed. Yet a little boy had remembered him for who he was . . . and had covered over his errors with love.

This is not unlike what marriage was established to be -- two people saying to each other, "I know you've failed me and disappointed me at times (as I have you), but I'm still going to put my arm around you and tell you, 'I love you.'  i'm on this journey with you one way or the other."

Love covers a multitude of sins...Period!  It isn't pride and it isn't something you earn.  God is Love (1 John 4:8) and this love allows us to forgive.  Love allows us to over look someones mistakes and see them for who God sees them.  God's love is what allows me to see my kids and my wife the way that Jesus sees them.  Like I said to Kassi yesterday, my nature is for everything to be black and white, no gray area.  It is God's love working in me that helps me to get past my human nature and see my family the way God sees them.  It's God's love that lets me know that God has laid hold of (apprehended) them for a reason (Phil 3:12) and I should always do the same.

Judge not lest ye be judged (Matt 7:1)

I love you and God does too!

Foul Ball

The aricle below is taken directly from what I read this morning in my family life devotional (familylife.com) by Dennis Rainey.  This is something I am guilty of more often than I care to admit.  I'm sure I was guilty of it today when I was asking my daughter why she had to go outside to get her backpack.  Wouldn't life be easier if you just pick your "stuff" up when you get out of the car was my comment to her. 

Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise.
Ephesians 5:15

I've often wondered why more people don't get hurt by foul balls that are hit into the stands during a baseball game. You'd think it would happen almost every time, especially those line drives that carom through an entire seating section. But even on those occasions when a stray ball does leave a lump or a bruise, you can hardly blame the batter, can you? I mean, he's not out to intentionally harm anyone. It's just what happens in the flow of the game, right?

That's probably not the way Baltimore Orioles' Jay Gibbons felt not long ago when he fouled a pitch straight back over the screen. That's because this time, his wayward swing didn't threaten a nine-year-old sitting there with his cap and glove or a hot-dog vendor walking the steps or a pair of buddies taking in a game together.

No, Jay's foul ball hit his own wife right in the ribcage.

He didn't mean to. It wasn't intentional.

This story reminded me of those sarcastic remarks we sometimes let slip.

Or those little unkind things we foul off. Or those grunts we utter when we think the magazine article we're reading is much more interesting and important than what the wife is saying.

A foul ball can hurt as much as a direct hit. A fairly insignificant slight or accusation--especially when it's allowed to fester and accumulate and build on the last one--can bruise your relationship. That's why you must guard against minor, offhand offenses. Stop occasionally and go see if your words are hurting anyone--your spouse, a child or a friend.

Careless words. A lapse in judgment. Foul balls. And foul words. But whether intended or not, they can still carom with enough speed to wound and injure the ones you love the most.

Be careful with your words and choose your battles wisely.  Those we love are more important than being right all the time.

I love you and God does too!

Thrive or Survive....marriage

Men, at what point in time do you stop looking out for your wife? I'm sure you answered with a resounding NEVER! We should never stop looking out for our wives. We should never stop considering their feelings.

Starting in February, I hope to be leading a men's Life Group at my church (rio180.com) which will focus on marriage. In preparation for the class, I'm thinking about certain topics we need to cover and what I've learned about them in my own marriage. I'm not the best husband now, but I used to be a lot worse until Kim taught me how to be a good husband (btw...I'm still a work in progress). Early in our marriage I had behaviors that Kim tolerated for a while, hoping I would change on my own. Finally, she let me know that my behaviors hurt her feelings. Over time, I had built a wall between us that had to be tore down. I created hurt, on accident, that had to be mended. Not only was the wall between Kim and me but also between God and me. I had to tear it down, and I did. Now that I treat Kim with the respect she deserves, my marriage is flourishing and we both are happy. My former behavior was a habit, the way I had always been. I acted this way without knowing it. Now, the respect I show Kim is a habit. I would never hurt her.

As I research and think about my class and I observe husbands at work it is clear that A LOT of men don't always think about their wives feelings. Unfortunately, I'm talking about men that profess to be men of God. I witness occasions where talk may be a little too friendly....but no harm. I see men taking a second look at an attractive woman and then make the comment "I'm married, not dead". Have you made that comment? If you have, you were in the wrong. I've heard men say that they would do the same thing even if their wife was there because "she wouldn't care". That's even worse. Men, if you think your wife doesn't care if you talk friendly to another woman or that you take a second look, you are a fool and are fooling yourself.

Ask yourself, why would my wife not care that I look at another woman with the same look that I do or used to look at her with? God said have "no other gods before me". Your wife should say "have no other women before me". Men, it is time that we stop settling for a marriage that survives and start working toward a marriage that thrives. To do this, you must make your wife the #2 focus of your life behind God.

#2 focus in your life doesn't mean that she is #2 when she is around or when she may be watching. That means that behind God, she should be where your affection and thoughts are all of the time. If as men we will focus on being good husbands when our wives aren't around, that will certainly make us better husbands when they are around.

Here are some simple rules to put into place to begin working toward a marriage that thrives:

1) Don't ever let another woman catch your eye....EVER!
1a) This goes for TV too.
1b) Even if your wife isn't around.
2) Don't have a conversation with another woman that you wouldn't have in front of your wife.
3) Don't share your marital problems with another woman.
4) Don't let another woman have your thoughts.
5) If your wife tells you that she doesn't mind you breaking these rules, she is lying.

This list isn't all-inclusive but it is a good place to start. Now start thriving.

God loves you and I do too!