Men, at what point in time do you stop looking out for your wife? I'm sure you answered with a resounding NEVER! We should never stop looking out for our wives. We should never stop considering their feelings.
Starting in February, I hope to be leading a men's Life Group at my church (rio180.com) which will focus on marriage. In preparation for the class, I'm thinking about certain topics we need to cover and what I've learned about them in my own marriage. I'm not the best husband now, but I used to be a lot worse until Kim taught me how to be a good husband (btw...I'm still a work in progress). Early in our marriage I had behaviors that Kim tolerated for a while, hoping I would change on my own. Finally, she let me know that my behaviors hurt her feelings. Over time, I had built a wall between us that had to be tore down. I created hurt, on accident, that had to be mended. Not only was the wall between Kim and me but also between God and me. I had to tear it down, and I did. Now that I treat Kim with the respect she deserves, my marriage is flourishing and we both are happy. My former behavior was a habit, the way I had always been. I acted this way without knowing it. Now, the respect I show Kim is a habit. I would never hurt her.
As I research and think about my class and I observe husbands at work it is clear that A LOT of men don't always think about their wives feelings. Unfortunately, I'm talking about men that profess to be men of God. I witness occasions where talk may be a little too friendly....but no harm. I see men taking a second look at an attractive woman and then make the comment "I'm married, not dead". Have you made that comment? If you have, you were in the wrong. I've heard men say that they would do the same thing even if their wife was there because "she wouldn't care". That's even worse. Men, if you think your wife doesn't care if you talk friendly to another woman or that you take a second look, you are a fool and are fooling yourself.
Ask yourself, why would my wife not care that I look at another woman with the same look that I do or used to look at her with? God said have "no other gods before me". Your wife should say "have no other women before me". Men, it is time that we stop settling for a marriage that survives and start working toward a marriage that thrives. To do this, you must make your wife the #2 focus of your life behind God.
#2 focus in your life doesn't mean that she is #2 when she is around or when she may be watching. That means that behind God, she should be where your affection and thoughts are all of the time. If as men we will focus on being good husbands when our wives aren't around, that will certainly make us better husbands when they are around.
Here are some simple rules to put into place to begin working toward a marriage that thrives:
1) Don't ever let another woman catch your eye....EVER!
1a) This goes for TV too.
1b) Even if your wife isn't around.
2) Don't have a conversation with another woman that you wouldn't have in front of your wife.
3) Don't share your marital problems with another woman.
4) Don't let another woman have your thoughts.
5) If your wife tells you that she doesn't mind you breaking these rules, she is lying.
This list isn't all-inclusive but it is a good place to start. Now start thriving.
God loves you and I do too!
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