Have you ever given unconditional love? Have you ever received unconditional love? We think of God's love as unconditional. We think of the love one spouse has for another as unconditional. If the love between man and wife is unconditional both ways, why is the divorce rate so high even among Christian couples (38% - 42%)?
One of the things that we accept as truth about unconditional love is just the simple definition that unconditional love has no conditions, the love I have for Kim has no conditions, she doesn't do anything to deserve my love nor can she do anything to keep me from loving her. The character Quincy on "Meet Joe Black" said it best when he said 'she knows the worst thing about me and it's OK'. His wife knew the worst thing about him and she loved him anyway, in spite of his short coming.
This is extremely noble but it has an inherent flaw. This line of thinking assumes that the giver of unconditional love always WANTS to give the love even though it may or may not be deserved.
What happens when one spouse no longer wants to give unconditional love to the other? Our topic just got a little deeper. I know that most of my thinking regarding unconditional love has placed the lack of deserving conditions on the person receiving the love. What about the giver of the love? As married people (or those in or looking for serious relationships) we must realize that unconditional love doesn't just mean that "I'll love you even when you don't deserve it" but it also means that "I'll love you even when I don't want to".
You see, when we think about God's unconditional love, we want to make ourselves the center of that love. When in reality, unconditional love is more about the giver than the receiver. Now, let's get back to that divorce rate. How many marriages could be saved if both spouses thought about unconditional love from a giving perspective rather than a receiving perspective? It's a heck-of-a lot easier for me to love my spouse when I want to rather than when I don't want to. Did any of you married folks use "for better or for worse" in your wedding vows? Kim and I did. Let me give you my spin on "for better or worse". Rather than saying "I take thee Kim to be my bride for better or worse..." I should have said "I take thee Kim to be my bride and I promise to love you when you deserve it and when you don't and I promise to love you when I want to but especially when I don't".
And really, I should be speaking from Kim's point of view. If you know me and you know Kim, you know that I got the better end of the deal in this relationship. She is smarter, better looking, better tempered, a better cook, and a better parent than I am. She is much more loveable than I am. I can guarantee that she has taught me about unconditional love. There have been times in our marriage when I didn't deserve her love and worse, there have been times in our marriage when I was so unlovable that she just didn't want to love me. She has always known how to love me unconditionally and that is why we aren't part of that divorce rate.
You may have a perfect marriage or you may be struggling. Either way, I encourage you to look to God for your strength like Kim does and love your spouse whether you want to or not. Don't be another divorce statistic. Also, teach your kids how to love like this by loving your spouse like this in front of kids. If we really want to save our families it must start with us.
God loves you and I do too!
No comments:
Post a Comment