A Valentine for Kim

Words can never describe how I love my wife. Well, there probably are words but I'm not a poet or a song writer that can put my thoughts into words that describe my emotions for and my commitment to Kim. Words always fail my true feelings for her. I think today if I had to pick one word to sum up my entire feelings it would be GRATEFUL. Grateful to God for giving her to me and grateful to her for loving me. I live in the country so if I went outside and screamed "I LOVE KIM KNIGHT" no one would hear. So, if you decided to read this blog, I'm gonna scream it to you and here goes:

Kim,
It seems like yesterday when you saved me. That's right, you saved me. You saved me from the man I was and the man I was becoming. I had just came out of a failed relationship that I had hung my hopes on. When I was let down, I decided that I could never give my love, my trust, to any woman ever again. I was content to play softball then go play basketball with Jon Sweet until all hours of the night until I had to go back to an empty house where I was alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. That's all I felt and I was content with it. If I was alone, I could not be let down. And then, when I least expected it God sent me you.

You weren't looking for anyone either when God sent you to me. But when you found me, you had compassion on me. You had patience with me until I could learn to trust you. Even though I was just a shell of a human with nothing left to give, you gave me everything you had in hopes that I could return it. I'll never forget the 7th inning of the Atlanta Braves game, sitting in right field when you leaned over with a simple whisper "I love you". I remember melting inside at that moment. I had such an inner turmoil because I had told myself that I would never love again, yet all I wanted to do was grab you and tell you that I love you too but I didn't. Even though I waited a few hours, you understood. You have always been so patient with me.

Your patience and love taught me how to love. What I thought was once love wasn't love at all. It was merely respect and endurance but there was no love. You are the only woman that I've ever loved and I couldn't have loved if it weren't for you. I am so grateful that you saved me many years ago. I am so grateful that you have taught me how to love unconditionally and without reservation.

After all these years that moment in Atlanta seems like yesterday and yet even today, I still have that melting feeling inside, that "I'm in love with this woman feeling". Yes, we've had our ups and downs but that is what helps us to grow even closer. We hang on too each other through the downs because of love and we are rewarded with tremendous ups. There is one thing that is and always will be constant in my life (besides Jesus of course) and that's Kim Knight. I know that you will always love me and I want you to know that I will always love you. That's right, ALWAYS. We have learned to accept our differences and forgive each other no matter what. I know that your strengths compliment my weaknesses and vice versa.

You are truly the woman of my dreams and I promise to spend the rest of my life loving you. Every day with you is a new experience, even if we are doing the same-old-things. Thank you so much for loving me and saving me from myself.

Your loving husband,
John

God loves you and I do too!

Kicked out, Part II

As if getting kicked out of a HS Gym on Tuesday night wasn't bad enough, the TSSAA decided that "the fan must be disciplined". So the Loudon County director of schools, in his infinite wisdom decided that I should be suspended for a game. Nevermind the fact that I had already been ejected and apparently an additional warning wouldn't have been good enough so now I must miss one of Kassidi's games. As you can imagine, I wasn't happy.

I have NEVER had the victim mentality but in the past few weeks, it seems that I was getting pushed around by people that are in authority. I have had to just "roll-over" in order to keep from rocking the boat. I guess I have had enough of this so I really felt the need to defend myself, to appeal this decision. The only phone number that I had access to was the Athletic Director at my daughter's school so I called her. Now any of you that know me know that I don't mix words, I don't beat around the bush, and I am terribly blunt. Add these combinations to someone who feels like they have been wronged and you have a volitile situation.

The conversation was direct from the outset so because of this I put the AD on the defensive so she wasn't about to admit any wrong doing and I wasn't either. Long story short, I really handled the AD poorly and unfairly. Although I was never abusive or unprofessional, I came across as very offensive to the AD because of my tone and direct approach. She was offended, I was offended, and there was no resolution so when we got off the phone, neither of us felt good about it. She went to the game and told my wife how upset she was and I stayed home and fumed over the situation.

During all of this, I would occasionally question myself as to whether I was doing the right thing or not and I never could resolve to the fact that I was, especially after the confrontation with the AD. Nevertheless, I fumed and plotted anyway. By the time I went to bed last night, I was formulating a plan to "get them back" for what they did to me. What I didn't realize was that I was giving Satan a stronghold to try to hold me back with.

My attitude was so bad this morning that I completely missed my quiet time with God and I was still thinking about what I was going to do next. At that moment, I realized how displeasing to God I had been and was being. You see, to seek revenge or even to just argue my case to the point of offending someone was caused by pride. Something had been done to "me" and "I" had to do something about it. I looked at myself in the mirror and just said "nahhh, I'm not going to be like this". Within a minute, I felt the self-inflicted burden lift off my shoulders. I knew what I had to do next, I had to apologize the AD. I called her on her cell phone and left an apology on her VM but asked that she call me back so I could apologize directly. She called me and I apologized. I know that the hurt I had inflicted on her was deeper than I knew by her reaction to me but I think, I hope, that she accepted my apology.

I should have done this last night because the bible says to not let the sun go down on your wrath (Eph 4:26) but taking care of it first thing this morning was definitely better than letting it fester. Whats done is done and I'm not going to chase this any more.

I use my blog as an encouragement to others and today, you see how NOT to live your life. Don't be consumed by anger when you are offended. Don't take your frustrations out on anyone. Don't let the sun go down on your wrath. And I guess most of all, don't get kicked out of a basketball game.

God loves you and I do too!

PS--a special thanks goes to the love of my life Kim Knight. That woman supported me even when she thought I was wrong, without challenging me. She took some of my frustration with patience, love, and kindness without getting frustrated with me and without judging me. Kim is the best wife in the world and I this is just another reason why I love her so much.

Kicked out of the Gym

The Bible says to confess your faults to one another (James 5:16)....so here goes.

I could turn this into such a long story but the short story is that I got threw out of a high school gym on Tuesday night after my daughter's basketball game for talking to referees. Yes, you read it right and I'm not exaggerating I was talking to the referees, not yelling and certainly not cursing or threatening. Specifically, I asked them several times "did you know you were going to take the game away from the girls before the game or did you decide it at half time"? Well, I suppose if you have a guilty conscience, this doesn't sit well so one of the referees tossed me. Don't worry, I went willingly and without a fuss. I actually knew what I was doing and had a feeling that these ref's would toss me. Such is life.

Now what does this have to do with a Christian blog? Well, not much. What does it have to do with a Godly man's life? Quite a bit. I'm actually having an internal struggle because each time I think of one reason why I was wrong, I think of a reason why I was right. I didn't turn the other cheak but at the same time I let a lot of things go without losing my cool. I feel bad because I didn't forgive them immediately for doing my daughter wrong but at the same time, they didn't repent and ask me for forgiveness. I didn't act in love toward the referee's but I did act out of love by defending my daughter. So which is it? Was I right or wrong?

I'd love to hear some of your opinions. Want to know mine? Well, let's just say that I'm not looking their names up to apologize any time soon :)

I know this is out of the norm for me but this is what's going on. I encourage you to handle yourself the way God would want you to.

God loves you and I do too!

Dangerous Living...

I was talking with uncle George from Indiana last week and he reminded me of a lesson that I taught at church several years ago. The lesson centered around 2 Samuel 14.

In this story, Absalom had been sent away from Jerusalem for a number of years. He wanted to come back so he worked with Joab to get King David (Absalom's father)to allow him to come back to Jerusalem. David reluctantly allowed Absalom to come back but he was not allowed to see the king. After two years of being back in Jerusalem but not being able to see his father, Absalom sent for Joab again to get his help. This time, Joab wouldn't pay attention to Absalom's request. Again, Absalom sent for Joab and again Joab refused. Finally, Absalom told his servants that Joab's field was next to his so he instructed his servants to set fire to Joab's barley field. With his field on fire, Joab came to Absalom and asked him why he had set it on fire. Absalom told him that he needed him to go to the king again for him.

Has God asked you to meet him? Has God asked you to do something? Has God been trying to talk to you but you wouldn't listen? Please don't make him burn your barley field. If God wants your attention He will get it. I have heard countless stories about people finding salvation through a horrible situation in their life. What if God burned their barley field? Had God been trying to draw them before the tragedy? Who knows. All I know is that I never want to put myself in a situation where God has to burn my barley field to get my attention.

I encourage you today to listen to God. If you don't know Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior then now is the time. Please email me at johnkn.home@gmail.com and I would be happy to pray with you if you don't have anyone.

God loves you and I do too!

Would you?

This week I had the opportunity to witness to someone and I used my blog. I told Kim about it and that was that. This morning, I was reflecting on the week and thought about that and I have to admit that I got a little prideful. I love how God keeps my pride in check. He quickly reminded me of a story that I had read to remind me that there is so much more that others have done, so I thought I would share with you this morning.

A few years ago, my former pastor, Buddy Sweet, gave me a book called "Jesus Freak". Now, I'm not a reader but this book was perfect for me. Each chapter was a story about a Christian martyr and was no more than three pages so someone like me can read a story without losing focus.

There was one particular story that stood out about an 8-year old girl in a communist country in Asia. This story didn't take place 100 years ago, this took place in the last 30 years. In this country the only churches that were allowed were state-run churches. But in secret, Christian in-home churches existed. That was the only way people could get together and learn about God because there were so few bibles. Generally, people were too scared to own a bible for fear of retribution from the government.

The government learned about a home-church in a small village so the police raided it one night when they knew there was a meeting. On this night, the police came bursting through the doors to find 10 or so Christian villagers listening to the preacher. When they bursted in the preacher was holding the bible. The police took the bible from the preachers' hand and began to beat him. Then they threw the bible into the middle of the street. They then told the parishioners that if they would just spit on the bible, they could go free.

The people had saw what the police did to the preacher and they knew they would lose their life if they didn't comply with this demand to spit on the bible. So, one by one, including the preacher, the adults and kids filed out of the house in a single file line and spat on the bible.....all but one!

There was an 8-year old girl that was the last in line. When it came her turn to spit on the bible, she got down on her knees in front of the bible. She gently picked the bible up and began to clean the spit and mud off of it. While she was cleaning it she was crying and praying. Her prayer went something like "God, please forgive these people, they're just afraid. Please don't punish them for not knowing how precious your word is".

While she was on her knees cleaning the spit and mud off the bible and while she was praying, the police executed her right in front of her parents. As I read this I cried (right there in Taco Bell on Alcoa Hwy) and asked God "why"? An 8-year old is innocent. Jesus, the bible doesn't mention you starting your ministry until you were 12, why an 8-year old? I don't remember getting an answer, I only remember being extremely convicted about not reading me bible.

My question is would you be like the little girl? Would I? I have more I want to write about the precious word of God but I will do it at another time. Until then, I hope that you take the opportunity to read God's word.

On a side note, please pray for Sam Wallace and his family. Please pray compassionately that God will give them what they need during this time of hurt.

God loves you and I do too!