Men, at what point in time do you stop looking out for your wife? I'm sure you answered with a resounding NEVER! We should never stop looking out for our wives. We should never stop considering their feelings.
Starting in February, I hope to be leading a men's Life Group at my church (rio180.com) which will focus on marriage. In preparation for the class, I'm thinking about certain topics we need to cover and what I've learned about them in my own marriage. I'm not the best husband now, but I used to be a lot worse until Kim taught me how to be a good husband (btw...I'm still a work in progress). Early in our marriage I had behaviors that Kim tolerated for a while, hoping I would change on my own. Finally, she let me know that my behaviors hurt her feelings. Over time, I had built a wall between us that had to be tore down. I created hurt, on accident, that had to be mended. Not only was the wall between Kim and me but also between God and me. I had to tear it down, and I did. Now that I treat Kim with the respect she deserves, my marriage is flourishing and we both are happy. My former behavior was a habit, the way I had always been. I acted this way without knowing it. Now, the respect I show Kim is a habit. I would never hurt her.
As I research and think about my class and I observe husbands at work it is clear that A LOT of men don't always think about their wives feelings. Unfortunately, I'm talking about men that profess to be men of God. I witness occasions where talk may be a little too friendly....but no harm. I see men taking a second look at an attractive woman and then make the comment "I'm married, not dead". Have you made that comment? If you have, you were in the wrong. I've heard men say that they would do the same thing even if their wife was there because "she wouldn't care". That's even worse. Men, if you think your wife doesn't care if you talk friendly to another woman or that you take a second look, you are a fool and are fooling yourself.
Ask yourself, why would my wife not care that I look at another woman with the same look that I do or used to look at her with? God said have "no other gods before me". Your wife should say "have no other women before me". Men, it is time that we stop settling for a marriage that survives and start working toward a marriage that thrives. To do this, you must make your wife the #2 focus of your life behind God.
#2 focus in your life doesn't mean that she is #2 when she is around or when she may be watching. That means that behind God, she should be where your affection and thoughts are all of the time. If as men we will focus on being good husbands when our wives aren't around, that will certainly make us better husbands when they are around.
Here are some simple rules to put into place to begin working toward a marriage that thrives:
1) Don't ever let another woman catch your eye....EVER!
1a) This goes for TV too.
1b) Even if your wife isn't around.
2) Don't have a conversation with another woman that you wouldn't have in front of your wife.
3) Don't share your marital problems with another woman.
4) Don't let another woman have your thoughts.
5) If your wife tells you that she doesn't mind you breaking these rules, she is lying.
This list isn't all-inclusive but it is a good place to start. Now start thriving.
God loves you and I do too!
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Saturday, January 28, 2012
A Love Note to Kim
This blog is just for Kim. So if you aren't Kim Knight you probably won't get much out of this.
Kim,
I'm so sorry that you were sick this week. I wish that I could do as good of a job taking care of everyone the way that you do. You have the biggest heart of anyone that I have ever met. You love everyone so good, especially your family. Watching you fight through your pain so you could take care of Kelsi was so inspiring to me. It's little things you do like this that make me want to be a better man.
As I watch you, day in and day out, take care of us it reminds me so much of Christs love for us. He sacrificed everything so that we could have it all. That's the way that you are. You sacrifice your time and energy taking care of me and the kids and it does not go unnoticed. You made sure that Kassi and Kalli could read before they got to kindergarten and I know you will do the same with Kelsi. You give your time coaching AAU not just because you enjoy it but because our girls have always wanted you to.
I wish I had the capacity for the love for others that you have but I don't because I am not a mother. But one thing I do know is there isn't a man on earth that could love you more than I do. You are always on my mind. I try to pray without ceasing and when I'm making specific requests they are usually for you because you deserve to have everything that you desire.
You and I are definitely soul mates. We love the same things. No one could appreciate a sunset with me like you do. No one could understand my excitement and disappointment with University of Tennessee sports like you. We are always thinking the same thing at the same time. You make me feel like the best husband in the world even though I know that I'm not even close. No one I know would peel, devein, and cook shrimp for their family even though that the thought of shrimp makes them sick...except you. Only I can understand and appreciate your love and excitement for dolphins when we go to the beach. Only you could appreciate a first date at the river.
I love everything about you. I love your sweet voice. I love your beautiful blue eyes. I love how you snuggle next to me every chance you get. I love how you include me in every part of your life. I love how we are best friends and I can tell you everything. I love that you know the worst thing about me and you love me anyway. I love how you laugh at all of my jokes. I love how you feel safe with me. I love how you make me feel stronger than I am. I love how you make me feel smarter than I am. I love how you make me feel more handsome than I am.
You are the most perfect wife in the world and I promise I will always love you the best way that I know how.
God loves you and I do too!
Kim,
I'm so sorry that you were sick this week. I wish that I could do as good of a job taking care of everyone the way that you do. You have the biggest heart of anyone that I have ever met. You love everyone so good, especially your family. Watching you fight through your pain so you could take care of Kelsi was so inspiring to me. It's little things you do like this that make me want to be a better man.
As I watch you, day in and day out, take care of us it reminds me so much of Christs love for us. He sacrificed everything so that we could have it all. That's the way that you are. You sacrifice your time and energy taking care of me and the kids and it does not go unnoticed. You made sure that Kassi and Kalli could read before they got to kindergarten and I know you will do the same with Kelsi. You give your time coaching AAU not just because you enjoy it but because our girls have always wanted you to.
I wish I had the capacity for the love for others that you have but I don't because I am not a mother. But one thing I do know is there isn't a man on earth that could love you more than I do. You are always on my mind. I try to pray without ceasing and when I'm making specific requests they are usually for you because you deserve to have everything that you desire.
You and I are definitely soul mates. We love the same things. No one could appreciate a sunset with me like you do. No one could understand my excitement and disappointment with University of Tennessee sports like you. We are always thinking the same thing at the same time. You make me feel like the best husband in the world even though I know that I'm not even close. No one I know would peel, devein, and cook shrimp for their family even though that the thought of shrimp makes them sick...except you. Only I can understand and appreciate your love and excitement for dolphins when we go to the beach. Only you could appreciate a first date at the river.
I love everything about you. I love your sweet voice. I love your beautiful blue eyes. I love how you snuggle next to me every chance you get. I love how you include me in every part of your life. I love how we are best friends and I can tell you everything. I love that you know the worst thing about me and you love me anyway. I love how you laugh at all of my jokes. I love how you feel safe with me. I love how you make me feel stronger than I am. I love how you make me feel smarter than I am. I love how you make me feel more handsome than I am.
You are the most perfect wife in the world and I promise I will always love you the best way that I know how.
God loves you and I do too!
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
God will take care of them!
In one of my recent posts I mentioned that I have had some issues at work. I have been very tempted to be angry while leaving out the "sin not" part (Eph 4:26). Psalm 37 has been my source of strength during this time. God is good and he will take care of me. I put all of my faith, hope, and trust in Him. I'm so glad that he left me his love note (the bible) to remind me that He loves me and that He will take care of me.
1 Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong; 2 for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away. 3 Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. 4 Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. 5 Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: 6 He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun. 7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. 8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. 9 For those who are evil will be destroyed, but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land. 10 A little while, and the wicked will be no more; though you look for them, they will not be found. 11 But the meek will inherit the land and enjoy peace and prosperity. 12 The wicked plot against the righteous and gnash their teeth at them; 13 but the Lord laughs at the wicked, for he knows their day is coming. 14 The wicked draw the sword and bend the bow to bring down the poor and needy, to slay those whose ways are upright. 15 But their swords will pierce their own hearts, and their bows will be broken. 16 Better the little that the righteous have than the wealth of many wicked; 17 for the power of the wicked will be broken, but the LORD upholds the righteous. 18 The blameless spend their days under the LORD’s care, and their inheritance will endure forever. 19 In times of disaster they will not wither; in days of famine they will enjoy plenty. 20 But the wicked will perish: Though the LORD’s enemies are like the flowers of the field, they will be consumed, they will go up in smoke. 21 The wicked borrow and do not repay, but the righteous give generously; 22 those the LORD blesses will inherit the land, but those he curses will be destroyed. 23 The LORD makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; 24 though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand. 25 I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread. 26 They are always generous and lend freely; their children will be a blessing. 27 Turn from evil and do good; then you will dwell in the land forever. 28 For the LORD loves the just and will not forsake his faithful ones. Wrongdoers will be completely destroyed; the offspring of the wicked will perish. 29 The righteous will inherit the land and dwell in it forever. 30 The mouths of the righteous utter wisdom, and their tongues speak what is just. 31 The law of their God is in their hearts; their feet do not slip. 32 The wicked lie in wait for the righteous, intent on putting them to death; 33 but the LORD will not leave them in the power of the wicked or let them be condemned when brought to trial. 34 Hope in the LORD and keep his way. He will exalt you to inherit the land; when the wicked are destroyed, you will see it. 35 I have seen a wicked and ruthless man flourishing like a luxuriant native tree, 36 but he soon passed away and was no more; though I looked for him, he could not be found. 37 Consider the blameless, observe the upright; a future awaits those who seek peace. 38 But all sinners will be destroyed; there will be no future for the wicked. 39 The salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD; he is their stronghold in time of trouble. 40 The LORD helps them and delivers them; he delivers them from the wicked and saves them, because they take refuge in him.
1 Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong; 2 for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away. 3 Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. 4 Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. 5 Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: 6 He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun. 7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. 8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. 9 For those who are evil will be destroyed, but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land. 10 A little while, and the wicked will be no more; though you look for them, they will not be found. 11 But the meek will inherit the land and enjoy peace and prosperity. 12 The wicked plot against the righteous and gnash their teeth at them; 13 but the Lord laughs at the wicked, for he knows their day is coming. 14 The wicked draw the sword and bend the bow to bring down the poor and needy, to slay those whose ways are upright. 15 But their swords will pierce their own hearts, and their bows will be broken. 16 Better the little that the righteous have than the wealth of many wicked; 17 for the power of the wicked will be broken, but the LORD upholds the righteous. 18 The blameless spend their days under the LORD’s care, and their inheritance will endure forever. 19 In times of disaster they will not wither; in days of famine they will enjoy plenty. 20 But the wicked will perish: Though the LORD’s enemies are like the flowers of the field, they will be consumed, they will go up in smoke. 21 The wicked borrow and do not repay, but the righteous give generously; 22 those the LORD blesses will inherit the land, but those he curses will be destroyed. 23 The LORD makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; 24 though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand. 25 I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread. 26 They are always generous and lend freely; their children will be a blessing. 27 Turn from evil and do good; then you will dwell in the land forever. 28 For the LORD loves the just and will not forsake his faithful ones. Wrongdoers will be completely destroyed; the offspring of the wicked will perish. 29 The righteous will inherit the land and dwell in it forever. 30 The mouths of the righteous utter wisdom, and their tongues speak what is just. 31 The law of their God is in their hearts; their feet do not slip. 32 The wicked lie in wait for the righteous, intent on putting them to death; 33 but the LORD will not leave them in the power of the wicked or let them be condemned when brought to trial. 34 Hope in the LORD and keep his way. He will exalt you to inherit the land; when the wicked are destroyed, you will see it. 35 I have seen a wicked and ruthless man flourishing like a luxuriant native tree, 36 but he soon passed away and was no more; though I looked for him, he could not be found. 37 Consider the blameless, observe the upright; a future awaits those who seek peace. 38 But all sinners will be destroyed; there will be no future for the wicked. 39 The salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD; he is their stronghold in time of trouble. 40 The LORD helps them and delivers them; he delivers them from the wicked and saves them, because they take refuge in him.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Time to get dirty
In November, I blogged about being burdened and carrying other's burdens. Galations 6:2 tells us to carry each others burdens. I think the question we all ask is how? How do I carry my brother's burden? How do I help carry your burden?
Until now, I thought I could help carry anyone's burden simply by praying. We all want to help and we all want to be hero's but what if I told you that sometimes there just isn't much you can do to carry a someone's burden? What if I told you that it takes a special type of person that can help you with your burden? I know that will stir some disagreement but that's OK. If we all agreed all the time then we would always be right. But in Numbers 11:16,17 God told Moses to pick certain people to help him. Moses didn't just go get any Joe, they were chosen.
I formed this opinion yesterday. As many of you may or may not know, all three of our kids have stomach viruses. Kim and I went away for my birthday and Kim's mom was keeping the kids at our house when it hit, and boy did it hit. Kim and I cut our trip short and when we got home, the girls were pitiful. After cleaning several messes, Kim said "I think this is what God meant when He said we are to bear one another's burdens". What Kim was saying is that if you REALLY want to carry someone's burdens you have to be willing to get dirty. To carry someone's burdens you have to jump in the mud or the fire with them. After talking to Kim and thinking about it, this made absolutely perfect sense to me.
If you are moving, would you want me to pray that God helps you or would you want me to show up with my truck ready to help you move? If your water line breaks, would you rather me pray that God sends you someone to help or would you rather me show up with a shovel to help you to dig down to the leak? If your going through a divorce, would you rather me pray for you or would you rather Kim and me take you to dinner and listen to you?
I hope you know that I'm not diminishing the need for prayer. We should always pray and we should always pray for each other. However, there comes a time for action for someone. James 2:15,16 addresses this and then of course we know that faith without works is dead. We live in a world of hurting people. Are you willing to roll your sleeves up and get dirty? What are you really willing to do to help carry someone's burden? Unfortunately, it is much easier for people to judge others rather than help them.
Pray, by all means pray. Pray without ceasing. But you should be well aware of those around you because sometimes, hurting people are crying out for help without you knowing it. There may be people around us that are stuck in the mud and they are just waiting for someone to get in with them to help them get out.
God loves you and I do too!
Until now, I thought I could help carry anyone's burden simply by praying. We all want to help and we all want to be hero's but what if I told you that sometimes there just isn't much you can do to carry a someone's burden? What if I told you that it takes a special type of person that can help you with your burden? I know that will stir some disagreement but that's OK. If we all agreed all the time then we would always be right. But in Numbers 11:16,17 God told Moses to pick certain people to help him. Moses didn't just go get any Joe, they were chosen.
I formed this opinion yesterday. As many of you may or may not know, all three of our kids have stomach viruses. Kim and I went away for my birthday and Kim's mom was keeping the kids at our house when it hit, and boy did it hit. Kim and I cut our trip short and when we got home, the girls were pitiful. After cleaning several messes, Kim said "I think this is what God meant when He said we are to bear one another's burdens". What Kim was saying is that if you REALLY want to carry someone's burdens you have to be willing to get dirty. To carry someone's burdens you have to jump in the mud or the fire with them. After talking to Kim and thinking about it, this made absolutely perfect sense to me.
If you are moving, would you want me to pray that God helps you or would you want me to show up with my truck ready to help you move? If your water line breaks, would you rather me pray that God sends you someone to help or would you rather me show up with a shovel to help you to dig down to the leak? If your going through a divorce, would you rather me pray for you or would you rather Kim and me take you to dinner and listen to you?
I hope you know that I'm not diminishing the need for prayer. We should always pray and we should always pray for each other. However, there comes a time for action for someone. James 2:15,16 addresses this and then of course we know that faith without works is dead. We live in a world of hurting people. Are you willing to roll your sleeves up and get dirty? What are you really willing to do to help carry someone's burden? Unfortunately, it is much easier for people to judge others rather than help them.
Pray, by all means pray. Pray without ceasing. But you should be well aware of those around you because sometimes, hurting people are crying out for help without you knowing it. There may be people around us that are stuck in the mud and they are just waiting for someone to get in with them to help them get out.
God loves you and I do too!
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Just for men, Part 2
Last week I made the mistake of telling Kim that for a moment I was feeling selfish and was wanting some "Me" time. Today, she had taken the girls shopping and told me that I had to stay home. I had some things I wanted to do like cutting up a tree that fell during the storms last summer so on the surface this seemed like a good idea. But yesterday, as my "Me" time grew closer, I wasn't liking the idea. We woke up today to rain so I can't do what I had planned on doing. OK, I decided to clean the garage. Well, that hasn't panned out either because I miss Kim so much that I have found myself mopping hoping it will please her.
Men, what do you do with your free time? Is it spent being selfish, glad to have some "time away from her"? I'm no saint and I'm certainly not a perfect husband or father but over the last year I have made God truly #1 in my life. By doing this, I have found a new-found love for Kim. I find myself thinking about her more and more every day. How do you think about your wife? Is she a nag to you? Do you dread time alone with her? Do you find yourself working over at work not so much for the money but just to be away?
It is time that Christian men stand up for what is right in their family and start loving their wives like Christ loves the church (Eph 5:25). Jesus didn't take a day off. If He ever had "Me" time it was to get away and pray for the church (John 17:6-26). How often do you get away just to pray for your wife?
Men, I encourage you today to take a long look at your relationship with your wife. Do you argue with her? Do you stop at nothing to please her? Do you admit you're wrong and say you're sorry even if you know you're right? Men, your marriage goes as you go. If you want a Godly marriage you must be Godly yourself. If you want your children to be Godly, you must be Godly yourself. I'm not saying you have to be perfect, God knows that I am far from it. It is just so important for your wife to see that you are trying to be.
My wife is awesome! She takes care of me better than anyone else could. But in the last year, since she has saw a change in me, I have saw a change in her. She doesn't let me lift a finger around the house anymore. Laundry has been my chore the entire time we have been married. In the last 6 months, I have washed no more than 6 loads because she wants to take care of me. Is that a big deal to me? You bet it is. Kim has always been an awesome wife doing everything imaginable to take care of me. Laundry is the one thing that I did that she didn't do. So it's the one thing that she could take off me.
If you change will you see changes like this? Yes! Your wife will love you so much better when she sees you trying your best to love God and her the best way you know how. And if you don't know how to love her better, ask her. Ask her sincerely what you can do to show your love to her more. 1) If you truly are loving her more, it will come to you and 2) if it doesn't come to you, she will be happy to tell you once she sees you being a better man
I'm not trying to brag or make myself out to be an expert because I'm not. I am only giving you my testimony and my personal experiences. It's up to you whether you want to take my advice. I dare you to ask God his opinion.
God loves you and I do too! and Kim, if you read this, please hurry home :)
Men, what do you do with your free time? Is it spent being selfish, glad to have some "time away from her"? I'm no saint and I'm certainly not a perfect husband or father but over the last year I have made God truly #1 in my life. By doing this, I have found a new-found love for Kim. I find myself thinking about her more and more every day. How do you think about your wife? Is she a nag to you? Do you dread time alone with her? Do you find yourself working over at work not so much for the money but just to be away?
It is time that Christian men stand up for what is right in their family and start loving their wives like Christ loves the church (Eph 5:25). Jesus didn't take a day off. If He ever had "Me" time it was to get away and pray for the church (John 17:6-26). How often do you get away just to pray for your wife?
Men, I encourage you today to take a long look at your relationship with your wife. Do you argue with her? Do you stop at nothing to please her? Do you admit you're wrong and say you're sorry even if you know you're right? Men, your marriage goes as you go. If you want a Godly marriage you must be Godly yourself. If you want your children to be Godly, you must be Godly yourself. I'm not saying you have to be perfect, God knows that I am far from it. It is just so important for your wife to see that you are trying to be.
My wife is awesome! She takes care of me better than anyone else could. But in the last year, since she has saw a change in me, I have saw a change in her. She doesn't let me lift a finger around the house anymore. Laundry has been my chore the entire time we have been married. In the last 6 months, I have washed no more than 6 loads because she wants to take care of me. Is that a big deal to me? You bet it is. Kim has always been an awesome wife doing everything imaginable to take care of me. Laundry is the one thing that I did that she didn't do. So it's the one thing that she could take off me.
If you change will you see changes like this? Yes! Your wife will love you so much better when she sees you trying your best to love God and her the best way you know how. And if you don't know how to love her better, ask her. Ask her sincerely what you can do to show your love to her more. 1) If you truly are loving her more, it will come to you and 2) if it doesn't come to you, she will be happy to tell you once she sees you being a better man
I'm not trying to brag or make myself out to be an expert because I'm not. I am only giving you my testimony and my personal experiences. It's up to you whether you want to take my advice. I dare you to ask God his opinion.
God loves you and I do too! and Kim, if you read this, please hurry home :)
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