My Dad...

For the past 12 days I've wanted to write a new post to my blog so badly.  But each time I've thought about it all that would have came out is pure emotion, the kind that just comes off as being a whiner or victim or attention-getter and that's not who I am.  As most of you know, my dad died on 10/25/13. 

If you didn't know my dad and you spent some time with him, you would have thought that he was a bit harsh, sometimes rude, but always joyful.  I know that sounds like an odd combination but my dad was a simple man.  So simple, in fact, that he just didn't know better than to tell you what was on his mind.  He didn't mean anything by it, he just thought that the unadulterated truth was best.  Once you knew this is how dad was, it was enlightening to his behaviors.

You see, mostly what was on dad's mind was Jesus and he was going to tell you about it.  Dad loved Jesus with all of his heart.  He was so thankful that God had healed him from cancer (dad was cancer-free when he died, he died from a brain bleed).  Anyone dad met, he told them about his miracle.  If he knew you didn't go to church he would tell you that you need to go to church.  If he thought you may not be a Christian, he would ask you if you were going to heaven or not.

Dad is the only person that I've known to not have an agenda in his relationships.  What I mean is that he didn't love people expecting a benefit.  He had no ill will or malice in his heart so he just assumed no one else did either.  Dad taught me how to give people the benefit of the doubt.  

You had to be close to dad to understand this but dad just loved.  He loved every person that walked through his door because he knew they had came to see him.  He often cried when I got there and cried when I left.  Not because he was sad but because he was so happy to see me.  We enjoyed each other's company and we talked a lot but often we just sat.  So often, we (not just me but my brother Jody and our wives) would just sit.  Dad would sometimes doze off for a few minutes and when he woke up he would always say "I wasn't asleep, I was just resting my eyes".  We loved to watch football together.  We are both huge UT and Cowboy fans.  No matter how good or how bad our teams were, we loved watching them together....together.  If UT got down by as much as a touchdown, you could be guaranteed that dad would say "It's over, UT is beat".  Kim and I always got a good laugh out of that.

I miss my dad.  A couple of people have asked me if I would bring him back from heaven if I could.  To their surprise I said YES!!!  Are you kidding?  I would absolutely bring him back if I could.  Oh yeah, he would be mad at me because I took him away from Jesus but the way I look at it, he would get to go back.  I want him here with me.  I want one more fishing trip with him.  I want to hear him say "We're gonna catch us a whampus" one more time.  I'd like one more heaping bowl of ice cream with him.  Just one more time, I'd like to look at him sitting in his Lazy-Boy with his dog on his lap and him say to me in the most sincere voice "love you son".

I love you dad, see you soon.

John

Pretty Woman

Who would have thought that I could have been inspired by Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman?  Pretty Woman is one of my wife's favorite movies and when she stumbled onto it this week she had to watch it.  What stood out to me was a moment in the film when Richard Gere was telling her how pretty and smart she was.  Then, he said something like he didn't understand why she couldn't see it.  She said "it's easier to believe the bad". 

That one statement spoke volumes to me.  As a father with three daughters, I'm always conscience of my daughter's self-esteem.  My wife is so very good at watching out for their self-esteem.  I try to say the right things but I just don't measure up to her.  We are fortunate to have three beautiful (inside and out) girls.  But I can't help to think about all of the pretty girls that I knew in high school that thought they were ugly.  Back then, I just wrote it off and assumed they just said that so they would hear someone tell them "you're not ugly, you're pretty".  Now that I'm older I can look back and see, based on the way some of them made decisions, they really did think they were ugly.

After all these years of Dateline reports, news reports, and other studies that I've been exposed to, mostly common sense stuff I guess, low self-esteem can cause a young woman to do things that aren't very Godly.  Low self-esteem is a tool that the devil uses against our teens to deceive them into making very bad decisions.  How many teenage girls have you known that have made some really bad decisions involving a boy that just didn't make sense?  I'll go out on a limb and say 99% of those bad decisions are because of low self-esteem.  Why?  Why does someone that is so pretty need to feel accepted by a boy so badly that they will do anything to win his approval?

The fact is that the devil will use one single thing to tear a teenager down.  For some reason, no matter how much good that has been said about you and to you, it only takes one bad thing to shake your self-esteem.  Like Julia Roberts said "it's easier to believe the bad".   That's why, as a parent, we MUST tell our children how good, pretty, or smart they are.  Starting from the day our kids can understand what we say we must give them positive reinforcement.  Because there is going to come a day when some immature boy or girl tells them "you’re not as pretty as you think you are" or they aren't going to win the starting position that they've worked so hard for.  You can be guaranteed that there will be times that will shake your child's self-esteem.  It happened to me and I bet it happened to you.  When that time comes, will there be enough good that it makes it at least harder to believe the bad?

Dad's, your daughters HAVE to know (not just think or wonder) that you think they are the prettiest girl alive.  They have to know that you believe in them.  Mom and Dad, they have to know that when the chips are down, they have parents they can go to who will help them and pray with them.  You must teach them what it means to be "fearfully and wonderfully made" Psalms 139:14.  I know it's hard but we have to teach them that God's acceptance is the only acceptance that they need.  Dad's, I know it's hard for us to pay compliments sometimes.  I don't know why, it just is.  But for your children's sake, we must do a better job of complimenting them.

And above all, pray, pray, pray.  Build a hedge of prayer around your children to help protect them from the bad that the devil is going to send their way.

I love you and God does too!

Is Divorce really what you want?

If you've been divorced this post may offend you. If it does, I'm so sorry because that certainly isn't my intent. But if you are married and especially married with children, this post is for you. We know what the Bible says about divorce and I think so many have heard it so many times that they may tend to ignore it; mostly because, I think, people know that God will forgive them when they do wrong. Given that, I'm not going to reference God or His will. I just want to focus on marriage.

Book after book has been written on this subject so I'm sure that I may not have any original thoughts. Tonight, Kalli and I went to Olive Garden and a lady with her two young girls was eating beside us and she didn't have a wedding ring on. Does that mean she is divorced? No. But going with the odds, she probably is. They were happy and having a fun time but I thought about how sad it was that these girls daddy wasn't with them.

When you first got married and were in love, did you say things to your newlywed spouse like "if we stay together" or "I hope we make it"? I doubt it. Those newlywed emotions run deep and hot, so hot that they tend to cool off after a while. That's no surprise and certainly not a profound statement. What's left when the newlywed feelings aren't so hot is marriage. Too many couples focus so hard on those newlywed feelings that they lose sight of why they have those feelings. They have them because they are with the one that they love and it's exciting to know that you will have them the rest of your life. That is the phrase that too many couples let go of so quickly; "the rest of your life". If your wedding vows were like mine and Kim's they included a "till death do us part" and "through better and/or worse". That is one heck of a commitment, a life-long commitment.

So when couples with children get divorced, what do they teach their children? First, they teach them that it is OK to quit on what is important. We teach our children to not quit. If they start something they can't quit. The more effort a kid puts into something, like sports, the more we encourage them when things get hard. We tell them something like "you've put so much into this, you've worked so hard, please don't quit now or you will regret it for the rest of your life". A friend of mine had a son who wanted to quit a sport during his senior season. He told him that the decision is his son's but he encouraged him not to quit and explained in great detail the impact it would have on the rest of his life. Even though it was hard and his situation didn't get easier, the boy stuck with it. He was glad he did and had no regrets for it.

A divorce also teaches kids that things worth having aren't worth working for. We teach our kids "if it's worth having then it's worth working for". How is the biggest commitment that you've ever made not worth working for? We teach our kids that if you want to be smart, you have to study. If you want to make better grades, you have to study harder. We all want a better marriage yet so many aren't willing to put any more effort into it.

In my opinion the problem boils down to two simple things; pride and selfishness.  I know this isn't new information but I can't stress how important these two things are and how they have no place in marriage. So if I'm telling you to work to keep your marriage, what work do you do? From my own experience, Kim and I spent a lot of time "working" at keeping those newlywed feelings. We spent years trying to get back that newlywed passion that we had. But if you want that fire back in your marriage or if you just want to keep your marriage the work shouldn't be spent on kindling passion and emotions. When you work at those things, you are trying to do work on your spouse. If it doesn't work then you may blame your spouse instead of yourself. The real work that needs to take place in marriage is the work that you do on you.

Most people, if not all, don't want to admit they are selfish. But you show me a failing marriage and I'll show you a marriage where one or both spouses are selfish. What is being selfish? Being selfish is simply putting your wants and needs ahead of your spouses. I'm not talking about serving yourself before your spouse. I'm not talking about spending your money on your spouse instead of yourself. What I'm talking about is when your feelings, your happiness is more important than your spouses. If you are struggling in your marriage, I encourage you to look inward at yourself first. Are you putting your happiness ahead of your spouse? Are you not giving your spouse what they want because "God didn't make you like that"? It's all about effort. Your spouse needs to see that you are willing to do ANYTHING for them, even if it's out of your comfort zone. And I'm really talking about meeting emotional needs not physical needs. Physical needs are important but emotional needs are so much more important. Your spouse needs, I mean really needs to know that you love them and they really are important enough to you that you committed the rest of your life to them.

What keeps people from being unselfish? Pride. Plain and simple, pride keeps you from doing the things your spouse needs and wants. When was the last time you said you were sorry when you really weren't? When was the last time that you held your tongue instead of saying what was on your mind? If you tend to say what is on your mind, even if it starts a fight then you have pride issues. If you never apologize just to keep the peace, especially before a fight starts, then you have pride issues. We teach our kids to take pride in what they do and we should. That kind of pride is good. When was the last time you thought about taking pride in your marriage? Or more, when was the last time that you took pride in your spouse? When was the last time that you felt proud to be married to them?

Marriage is hard, I know. Divorce rates are at 50% or higher inside and outside of the church. You can't worry about statistics and you can't use them as an excuse. A long time ago, I learned that if you wanted to succeed at anything you had to avoid "relative comparisons". Relative comparisons are when you compare what you're doing to someone else. It's when you say "I may not be great but I'm better than my neighbor". In marriage, we can't do that. The only thing that is important in marriage (outside of God) is your spouse. IT'S NOT YOU. You married the person that you're living with (or separated from) with the intention to be with them until you die. So you can't settle for a failing marriage and justify it because it hasn't failed yet like your neighbors did.

Love isn't that passion you felt as a newlywed. Love is the commitment you made to your spouse. Love is "till death do us part" and "for better or worse". If you want to teach your kids one of the most valuable lessons they could learn, show them how to love.

I know it is hard to do these things when your spouse isn't. But I can almost guarantee that if you put in the effort to work on yourself, your spouse will notice. If you haven't seen the movie "Firerproof" or haven't seen it in a while, watch it and watch it soon. Like I said, my thoughts aren't original they just can't be said enough.

I know there are times when divorce can't be avoided like spousal abuse. If your spouse is abusing you, I encourage you to get out now. However, there is a difference between being insensitive and being abusive.

I encourage you, I beg you, to strive for a prosperous marriage. I know you think your spouse is the problem and you may be right. However, if you will look to be a better spouse your efforts won't go unnoticed. It may take a while but it will be well worth it in the end. I can't think of a time when I said to myself "I wish I would have started that fight instead of holding my tongue".  If you need prayer about this Kim and I would be happy to pray for you.  You can reach me at johnkn.home@gmail.com.

If you live completely for Jesus today, you won't regret tomorrow what you did yesterday.
I love you and God does too!
John

Does Bad Company Really Corrupt Good Character?

Bad company corrupts good character.  That's what my mom told me.  That's what I've told my children.  That's what I've told converted Christians that wanted to witness in bars.  But does bad company really corrupt good character???

When I think about the life of Jesus I have to answer "not all of the time".  Jesus was our perfect example and, other than the disciples, He hung out with bad company.  Where did Jesus eat many of his meals?  He ate with tax collectors who were considered the worst sinners because they generally stole from the poor.  Tax collectors like Zacchaeus (Luke 19:1-10) and Matthew (Matt:9-11) hosted Jesus.  But according to Matt 9:10,11 there were plenty of sinners there.  Sinners like tax collectors, prostitutes, and Pharisees.  In Matt 9:12 Jesus went on to say that "It isn't the healthy that need a doctor but the sick", referring to "bad company" as the sick.

So bad company only corrupts good character some of the time.  Really?  I wonder which times that is.  This just doesn't make sense to me.  Jesus is our perfect example, our moral compass if you will (WWJD).  Jesus said that the "bad company" are the ones that need a physician so we need to know which bad company will corrupt good character and which ones won't.

The problem with my thinking is that I'm focusing on the bad company as being the problem.  Really, the problem with bad company corrupting good character isn't the bad company.  Bad company is bad company, we shouldn't be surprised when sinners sin.  Good character on the other hand is a different story.  Good character isn't supposed to go bad.  

When Jesus went to the men with leprosy (Luke 17:11-19) Jesus didn't catch it.  He healed them.  When Jesus hung out with sinners He didn't sin, His good character was incorruptible. In my opinion, the reason for this is because everywhere that He went He looked to serve in as humble and loving way possible.  I'm not saying that He served up booze, porn, or drugs.  What I am saying is that He served with love, providing what the bad company really needed, with love.  He didn't tell the prostitute and tax collectors "YOUR GOING TO HELLLLLL".  That's what He basically told the Pharisees.  

So with all of that, I have to make the declaration that bad company does NOT corrupt good character!  However, I will say that "bad company corrupts average character" or "bad company corrupts mediocre character".  

The type of ministry that Jesus did is not for the faint of heart.  We like to compare ourselves to the disciples and hope that we can find similarities.  The fact is that Jesus did not let His disciples minister to "bad company" unequipped.  Jesus told them to wait on the Holy Spirit (Luke 24:49, John 14: 16,17) after He was crucified.  The reason was He knew that they must have the power of the Holy Spirit to be able to endure and maintain there good character.

God has called us to witness in the highways and byways (Luke 14:23).  He wants us to server others.  You've heard the saying that "love is a verb", well Christianity should be an action word too.  Am I telling you to go to a bar alone to witness?  Absolutely not!  However, you should listen to the Holy Spirit and go where He draws you.  If you find yourself in a situation where you aren't serving the "bad company" that you are around, you should probably ask yourself why you are there.

Live for Jesus completely today so that tomorrow, you won't regret what you did yesterday.

God loves you and I do too!

The One Who Sins Will Die!! What??

As unexciting as it may be, I've been reading almost completely out of the Old Testament for the past few months.  You can't beat the Gospel in the New Testament but I love going back to the stories that I learned in Sunday School as a little boy.  Most of them came from the Old Testament.  Many scriptures are jumping out at me as I read but the ones that are really resonating with me seem to be those of redemption and forgiveness.  

Today, I was eating lunch and reading Ezekiel, when I got to chapter 18 the heading said "The One Who Sins Will Die".  

Now I don't know about you but that got my attention...real quick!  It's funny how the editors of the different Bible editions know exactly how to catch someone's attention.  It's funny because that really isn't the important message, it isn't what Ezekiel 18 is about at all.  Yes, Ezekiel 18 spends a good deal of time focusing on a sinner.  But it also focuses on the righteous and, more importantly to me, the the repentant sinner.

For some reason lately, I've really had repentance and forgiveness on my mind when I've been reading the Bible.  Partly, I'm sure, because of Prison Ministry.  So anytime I get to read a verse that backs up what I believe, I think it's awesome.  Maybe I'm the only person that the devil still tells during those tired times that "you aren't saved".  Or "none of this would have happened if you were really saved".  Of course I know better but that still doesn't mean that the devil doesn't come at me with that crap.  Ez. 18:21 (NIV) says;

 "But if a wicked person turns away from all the sins they have committed and keeps all my decrees and does what is just and right, that person will surely live; they will not die".


That verse really excites me.  When I read it I just said to myself "that's me".  I was a wicked person but I turned away from all the sins that I committed and I keep the decrees of the lord.  I do what is right and just.  I have repented.  That's me!

Is it you?  Are you the new man in Ez. 18:21 or are you the man depicted in Ez. 18:24in which God says;

"But if a righteous person turns from their righteousness and commits sin and does the same detestable things the wicked person does, will they live?  None of the righteous things that person has done will be remembered.  Because of the unfaithfulness they are guilty of and because of the sins they have committed, they will die".

The great thing about God is that he always makes provisions.  If you happen to be the person described in Ez. 18:24 (righteous turned wicked), God sent His son Jesus to die for your sins.  Simply turn from sin and do good and seek forgiveness from Christ and you will be the person described in Ez. 18:21.  As for me, I've been wishy-washy like the Ez. 18:24 man in the past but my commitment to God is to never be like that again.  Our walk with Christ and our eternal fate is much to important to ever turn back on God.

If you live for Christ today then tomorrow, you won't regret what you did yesterday.
God loves you and I do too!