Got the worst news of my 41 years yesterday. My dad has been feeling poorly lately and it turns out he has a brain tumor (9.5 cm X 5.5 cm X 6.7 cm). The doctor believes it is a very new tumor, only 3 - 4 weeks old, but it is already a stage IV tumor
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cancer_staging). Without going into detail, you can already tell this isn't good.
Bad things happen to good people every day so I'm not asking why. My dad is saved so we aren't worried about the ever-after. But this is my dad. Remember my post "go son, go!!"? I love my dad, and now looking at him in the hospital bed I don't ask God why. But I do ask, "now what?" I'm praying, my family is praying, our friends are praying, RIO-180 is praying, the RIO network is praying, Broadway Baptist is praying, Redemption Christian Center is praying.....we're all praying for my dad. But now what?
I was just being honest with God this morning in prayer and told him "God, this isn't a matter of whether You can or can't. It's a matter of whether You will or won't". God said that He will have mercy on whoever he wishes (Rom 9:18). If God heals dad, we're going to praise Him and if He doesn't, we're going to praise Him. But still, I come back to, "now what"?
At this point, all I know to do is to pray and trust God. If you read this, please pray for John Knight. He is 67 and a Godly man. He loves his wife dearly. He adores his children and grandchildren. Although he is ready to meet God, he doesn't want to do it soon.....I don't want him to either.
I love you and God does too!!
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Scars
I was looking in the mirror today as I guess most normal people do when they wash their hands when I noticed two scars above my left eye. Its not that I was surprised or anything, I knew they were there, they've been there for 39 years. I just thought it was funny how days, weeks, and even months go by without me noticing the scars yet they are always there.
I have all kinds of scars; scars caused by falls, scars caused by my carelessness, scars caused by others. Some of my scars are my fault, some were caused by others, and some couldn't be avoided at all. I have scars that I'm proud of (I'm still a little boy inside) and I have some that I'm quite ashamed of. Many of my scars I remember how I got while many more I just don't remember. I remember when I was a kid, I once counted 22 scars on my left knee...and I was proud.
As I was looking in the mirror I realized that these two scars on my head symbolized much more than just a couple of falls when I was a kid. Now I know this probably isn't original thinking and I'm sure someone smarter than me has put this in a much better way but this is me....and these are my scars. As I looked in the mirror God showed me how there are other scars that we have other than physical. These emotional scars are much like my scars; some we cause, some others caused, and some were just unavoidable. The fact is that we all have scars somewhere.
Our emotional scars are much like our physical scars in many ways;
1) We start to forget what caused the scar when the hurt goes away. With many scars, there is a pain that remains even when it looks like healing is done. Those are deep scars caused by a deep cut. All too often, we dwell on what caused the hurt rather than the fact that healing has began. All we can feel is the hurt and all we can see is the scar so it is hard to see the fact that God is working and is providing a healing. Sometimes that healing isn't as fast as we would like but inevitably, it comes.
2) Generally speaking, the smaller the scar the smaller the injury and conversely, the bigger the scar, the worse the injury. This is obvious but needs to be pointed out. If you only have a small scar, the injury probably wasn't that bad. In those cases, we shouldn't make a mountain out of a mole hill. Those small injuries heal fast so we shouldn't persecute anyone that caused it as though they had severely injured you.
3) When scars are out of site, we forget about them. Is this so wrong? Is it wrong to forget about the past? To forget about the pain that someone else caused you? I don't think so. What is in the past is in the past and if you have forgiven someone for causing your scar then you shouldn't dwell on it. Let it go.
4) If we can see the scar then we all too often dwell on the past. The fact is that some of our emotional scars are on our face (not literally of course). Unfortunately, some of our scars, usually the worst ones, are right there in the open so we are always reminded of them. We think about them and sometimes we even think that we can still feel pain in them. Certainly when we see them, we remember the pain and we remember how we got it. Sometimes, seeing these scars can fill our hearts with regret; regret about how we got the scar, regret about how we healed, or regret about how we didn't heal.
And usually, the older we were when we got injured, the longer it takes for healing to take place. It's funny how the younger I was when I got one of my scars, the less likely I am to even remember how I got it. I have some really bad scars that I got when I was young and I can hardly remember getting it. Then there are others that I got when I was older. They aren't as big but for some reason, I remember the hurt much more vividly than the bigger scar I got when I was a kid.
Scars, we've all got them. In some way, some form, or some fashion they are there. We live with them. Sometimes we can cover them up and sometimes we can't. Some aren't noticeable and some make a passerby flinch in pain when they see it. But you know what? These are my scars. They are a part of me. They don't define me and I rarely think of them but they are mine. I own them, whether I caused them or not I own them. If I don't own my scars then I believe I would think about them more. If I thought about the injury, I would think about the cause and that opens the door for shame and regret.
The fact is that the devil wants us to remember our shame and regret but as the song says "...I remember oh God you're not done with me yet". And remember, if you have a scar that means it's no longer a scab, God is finishing His work on that injury. Don't let your scars define you and don't let them cause more pain. You have them now and there isn't anything you can do about it. Let them heal and give God the glory.
I love you and God does too!
I have all kinds of scars; scars caused by falls, scars caused by my carelessness, scars caused by others. Some of my scars are my fault, some were caused by others, and some couldn't be avoided at all. I have scars that I'm proud of (I'm still a little boy inside) and I have some that I'm quite ashamed of. Many of my scars I remember how I got while many more I just don't remember. I remember when I was a kid, I once counted 22 scars on my left knee...and I was proud.
As I was looking in the mirror I realized that these two scars on my head symbolized much more than just a couple of falls when I was a kid. Now I know this probably isn't original thinking and I'm sure someone smarter than me has put this in a much better way but this is me....and these are my scars. As I looked in the mirror God showed me how there are other scars that we have other than physical. These emotional scars are much like my scars; some we cause, some others caused, and some were just unavoidable. The fact is that we all have scars somewhere.
Our emotional scars are much like our physical scars in many ways;
1) We start to forget what caused the scar when the hurt goes away. With many scars, there is a pain that remains even when it looks like healing is done. Those are deep scars caused by a deep cut. All too often, we dwell on what caused the hurt rather than the fact that healing has began. All we can feel is the hurt and all we can see is the scar so it is hard to see the fact that God is working and is providing a healing. Sometimes that healing isn't as fast as we would like but inevitably, it comes.
2) Generally speaking, the smaller the scar the smaller the injury and conversely, the bigger the scar, the worse the injury. This is obvious but needs to be pointed out. If you only have a small scar, the injury probably wasn't that bad. In those cases, we shouldn't make a mountain out of a mole hill. Those small injuries heal fast so we shouldn't persecute anyone that caused it as though they had severely injured you.
3) When scars are out of site, we forget about them. Is this so wrong? Is it wrong to forget about the past? To forget about the pain that someone else caused you? I don't think so. What is in the past is in the past and if you have forgiven someone for causing your scar then you shouldn't dwell on it. Let it go.
4) If we can see the scar then we all too often dwell on the past. The fact is that some of our emotional scars are on our face (not literally of course). Unfortunately, some of our scars, usually the worst ones, are right there in the open so we are always reminded of them. We think about them and sometimes we even think that we can still feel pain in them. Certainly when we see them, we remember the pain and we remember how we got it. Sometimes, seeing these scars can fill our hearts with regret; regret about how we got the scar, regret about how we healed, or regret about how we didn't heal.
And usually, the older we were when we got injured, the longer it takes for healing to take place. It's funny how the younger I was when I got one of my scars, the less likely I am to even remember how I got it. I have some really bad scars that I got when I was young and I can hardly remember getting it. Then there are others that I got when I was older. They aren't as big but for some reason, I remember the hurt much more vividly than the bigger scar I got when I was a kid.
Scars, we've all got them. In some way, some form, or some fashion they are there. We live with them. Sometimes we can cover them up and sometimes we can't. Some aren't noticeable and some make a passerby flinch in pain when they see it. But you know what? These are my scars. They are a part of me. They don't define me and I rarely think of them but they are mine. I own them, whether I caused them or not I own them. If I don't own my scars then I believe I would think about them more. If I thought about the injury, I would think about the cause and that opens the door for shame and regret.
The fact is that the devil wants us to remember our shame and regret but as the song says "...I remember oh God you're not done with me yet". And remember, if you have a scar that means it's no longer a scab, God is finishing His work on that injury. Don't let your scars define you and don't let them cause more pain. You have them now and there isn't anything you can do about it. Let them heal and give God the glory.
I love you and God does too!
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Daddy's little Girl
Early this week when I took Kassi to school, I dropped her off at Mary Blount Elementary. When we left our house on Bingham Lane, we kissed Kim and my baby Kalli goodbye. As I walked Kassi into Kindergarten, we talked about all the fun things she would do that day. She gave me a big kiss and a big hug when we got to her class room.
When I got home from work, Kim and I sat at the dinner table with my 6 year-old Kassi and my 17 month old Kalli. Kassi told us about her day. I asked if she had any boyfriends and she said "daddy, I'll never have a boyfriend because I'm going to marry you when I grow up". At this moment, if you were in my mind, you could hear the loud sound of screeching tires coming to an abrupt stop in my head. THAT WASN'T LAST WEEK!!! THAT WAS 10 YEARS AGO!!!
Oh my how time flies. It really does seem like yesterday that my kids were so young. Now, Kassi is 16 and Kalli is 11 and we brought Kelsi into the mix a couple of years ago. It still amazes both Kim and me that we a) have three kids b) one of them is 16 and c) one of them is 2. An 11 year-old maybe, surely we are the right age for an 11-year old. But I feel way to young for a 16 year-old and way too old for a two year-old.
It seems like just early this week, I didn't have to worry about Kassi dating because she was going to marry me and live with Kim and me forever. I know that was just early this week, had to be. Last night, reality sunk in as Kassi and I sat watching her boyfriend play football. When did this happen??!! Early this week, it seemed like my worries about Kassi were "I hope the other kids don't make fun of her for being too tall", "Kassi is a loner, I hope she learns to make friends", "I hope the teacher is good to her", and "I hope she talks to other kids about Jesus". My worries have changed significantly. Now my worries are "I hope Kassi stays away from boys", "I hope Kassi stays away from boys", "I hope Kassi stays away from boys"...I think you get the picture.
The fact is that as Kassi grows up, she is not going to stay away from boys. She is a beautiful, smart young woman and the boys have noticed that. So my focus as a father has changed over the years from "Boy bad, ball good" to "I must pick the right Husband for Kassi. I know you're thinking that I'm crazy for saying that I'm gong to pick her husband and in that sense, you're right. However, when I say that I'm going to pick her husband I mean that it is up to me to see to it that that she only date appropriate suitors.
I want my daughters to marry a man of God and I will do everything in my power to see to that. He must be a man, not that he has to be 6'3" and 225 lbs and can bench press 400 lbs. That isn't the definition of a man. A man, first and foremost, is a man of God. This means he is a protector, provider, leader and a teacher. He must be Godly and holy. He must put God ahead of everything.
Any boy that wants to date my daughter must not only live up to my standards but to God's standards. He will come to the door each time to pick my daughter up and he will come inside to speak with me. He will not wait in his car. He will open doors for my daughter. He will speak to her as though I were standing over them during every conversation. He will read his bible and be prepared for conversations with me about what he has been reading. He will only touch her in a way that he would as if I were with them. He will not use foul or vulgar language. He will not use alcohol or drugs. He will not associate with people that do use alcohol or drugs.
Fathers, it is our responsibility for our daughters to know what a man of God looks like. Does your daughters see you do any of the things on my list that I would not allow a boy to do to my daughter? Do they see you do the things that I said the boy should do? You want to know what kind of husband your daughter may end up with? Look at yourself. If you have a good relationship with your wife and daughter, she is going to want to marry someone like you, good bad or indifferent. Because lets face it, every little girl wants to marry her daddy when she grows up.
I love you and God does too!
When I got home from work, Kim and I sat at the dinner table with my 6 year-old Kassi and my 17 month old Kalli. Kassi told us about her day. I asked if she had any boyfriends and she said "daddy, I'll never have a boyfriend because I'm going to marry you when I grow up". At this moment, if you were in my mind, you could hear the loud sound of screeching tires coming to an abrupt stop in my head. THAT WASN'T LAST WEEK!!! THAT WAS 10 YEARS AGO!!!
Oh my how time flies. It really does seem like yesterday that my kids were so young. Now, Kassi is 16 and Kalli is 11 and we brought Kelsi into the mix a couple of years ago. It still amazes both Kim and me that we a) have three kids b) one of them is 16 and c) one of them is 2. An 11 year-old maybe, surely we are the right age for an 11-year old. But I feel way to young for a 16 year-old and way too old for a two year-old.
It seems like just early this week, I didn't have to worry about Kassi dating because she was going to marry me and live with Kim and me forever. I know that was just early this week, had to be. Last night, reality sunk in as Kassi and I sat watching her boyfriend play football. When did this happen??!! Early this week, it seemed like my worries about Kassi were "I hope the other kids don't make fun of her for being too tall", "Kassi is a loner, I hope she learns to make friends", "I hope the teacher is good to her", and "I hope she talks to other kids about Jesus". My worries have changed significantly. Now my worries are "I hope Kassi stays away from boys", "I hope Kassi stays away from boys", "I hope Kassi stays away from boys"...I think you get the picture.
The fact is that as Kassi grows up, she is not going to stay away from boys. She is a beautiful, smart young woman and the boys have noticed that. So my focus as a father has changed over the years from "Boy bad, ball good" to "I must pick the right Husband for Kassi. I know you're thinking that I'm crazy for saying that I'm gong to pick her husband and in that sense, you're right. However, when I say that I'm going to pick her husband I mean that it is up to me to see to it that that she only date appropriate suitors.
I want my daughters to marry a man of God and I will do everything in my power to see to that. He must be a man, not that he has to be 6'3" and 225 lbs and can bench press 400 lbs. That isn't the definition of a man. A man, first and foremost, is a man of God. This means he is a protector, provider, leader and a teacher. He must be Godly and holy. He must put God ahead of everything.
Any boy that wants to date my daughter must not only live up to my standards but to God's standards. He will come to the door each time to pick my daughter up and he will come inside to speak with me. He will not wait in his car. He will open doors for my daughter. He will speak to her as though I were standing over them during every conversation. He will read his bible and be prepared for conversations with me about what he has been reading. He will only touch her in a way that he would as if I were with them. He will not use foul or vulgar language. He will not use alcohol or drugs. He will not associate with people that do use alcohol or drugs.
Fathers, it is our responsibility for our daughters to know what a man of God looks like. Does your daughters see you do any of the things on my list that I would not allow a boy to do to my daughter? Do they see you do the things that I said the boy should do? You want to know what kind of husband your daughter may end up with? Look at yourself. If you have a good relationship with your wife and daughter, she is going to want to marry someone like you, good bad or indifferent. Because lets face it, every little girl wants to marry her daddy when she grows up.
I love you and God does too!
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Love and Babe Ruth
I ripped off Dennis Rainey yesterday so I thought I would do it again today. Here is something that I read last month and it has resonated with me ever since. One of my favorite scriptures is 1 Pet 4:8 "Above
all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude
of sins". I know in my life and my marriage, I have counted on the love of others toward me to cover my sins to offer forgiveness so I try to be careful to do the same. The story below from Mr. Rainey is a great example of what Jesus was talking about when he said we must accept the Kingdom of Heaven like a child (Matt 18:2-5).
I can’t attribute this story to its source, but a number of years ago I read a story about Babe Ruth. At the end of his legendary baseball career, the Babe had become obviously overweight. During one of his final contests, he bungled several fly balls in the outfield and struck out weakly with every plate appearance. Fans who had seen or heard about his once-proud exploits were now quick with catcalls, mocking this man who had hit twice as many home runs as anyone else in baseball.
But as the jeering got louder and louder, a little boy leaped over the railing and onto the playing field. With tears streaming down his face, he ran to the Babe and threw his arms around the legs of the fading athlete. Babe Ruth reached down, picked up the boy and hugged him tight. Then setting him down and patting him on the head, they walked hand in hand toward the dugout, while the jeers turned to cheers. Hardly an eye remained dry in the whole place.
The crowd had been correct in their assessment, of course. The Babe had let much of his athletic prowess go to seed. Yet a little boy had remembered him for who he was . . . and had covered over his errors with love.
This is not unlike what marriage was established to be -- two people saying to each other, "I know you've failed me and disappointed me at times (as I have you), but I'm still going to put my arm around you and tell you, 'I love you.' i'm on this journey with you one way or the other."
Love covers a multitude of sins...Period! It isn't pride and it isn't something you earn. God is Love (1 John 4:8) and this love allows us to forgive. Love allows us to over look someones mistakes and see them for who God sees them. God's love is what allows me to see my kids and my wife the way that Jesus sees them. Like I said to Kassi yesterday, my nature is for everything to be black and white, no gray area. It is God's love working in me that helps me to get past my human nature and see my family the way God sees them. It's God's love that lets me know that God has laid hold of (apprehended) them for a reason (Phil 3:12) and I should always do the same.
Judge not lest ye be judged (Matt 7:1)
I love you and God does too!
I can’t attribute this story to its source, but a number of years ago I read a story about Babe Ruth. At the end of his legendary baseball career, the Babe had become obviously overweight. During one of his final contests, he bungled several fly balls in the outfield and struck out weakly with every plate appearance. Fans who had seen or heard about his once-proud exploits were now quick with catcalls, mocking this man who had hit twice as many home runs as anyone else in baseball.
But as the jeering got louder and louder, a little boy leaped over the railing and onto the playing field. With tears streaming down his face, he ran to the Babe and threw his arms around the legs of the fading athlete. Babe Ruth reached down, picked up the boy and hugged him tight. Then setting him down and patting him on the head, they walked hand in hand toward the dugout, while the jeers turned to cheers. Hardly an eye remained dry in the whole place.
The crowd had been correct in their assessment, of course. The Babe had let much of his athletic prowess go to seed. Yet a little boy had remembered him for who he was . . . and had covered over his errors with love.
This is not unlike what marriage was established to be -- two people saying to each other, "I know you've failed me and disappointed me at times (as I have you), but I'm still going to put my arm around you and tell you, 'I love you.' i'm on this journey with you one way or the other."
Love covers a multitude of sins...Period! It isn't pride and it isn't something you earn. God is Love (1 John 4:8) and this love allows us to forgive. Love allows us to over look someones mistakes and see them for who God sees them. God's love is what allows me to see my kids and my wife the way that Jesus sees them. Like I said to Kassi yesterday, my nature is for everything to be black and white, no gray area. It is God's love working in me that helps me to get past my human nature and see my family the way God sees them. It's God's love that lets me know that God has laid hold of (apprehended) them for a reason (Phil 3:12) and I should always do the same.
Judge not lest ye be judged (Matt 7:1)
I love you and God does too!
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Foul Ball
The aricle below is taken directly from what I read this morning in my family life devotional (familylife.com) by Dennis Rainey. This is something I am guilty of more often than I care to admit. I'm sure I was guilty of it today when I was asking my daughter why she had to go outside to get her backpack. Wouldn't life be easier if you just pick your "stuff" up when you get out of the car was my comment to her.
Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise.
Ephesians 5:15
I've often wondered why more people don't get hurt by foul balls that are hit into the stands during a baseball game. You'd think it would happen almost every time, especially those line drives that carom through an entire seating section. But even on those occasions when a stray ball does leave a lump or a bruise, you can hardly blame the batter, can you? I mean, he's not out to intentionally harm anyone. It's just what happens in the flow of the game, right?
That's probably not the way Baltimore Orioles' Jay Gibbons felt not long ago when he fouled a pitch straight back over the screen. That's because this time, his wayward swing didn't threaten a nine-year-old sitting there with his cap and glove or a hot-dog vendor walking the steps or a pair of buddies taking in a game together.
No, Jay's foul ball hit his own wife right in the ribcage.
He didn't mean to. It wasn't intentional.
This story reminded me of those sarcastic remarks we sometimes let slip.
Or those little unkind things we foul off. Or those grunts we utter when we think the magazine article we're reading is much more interesting and important than what the wife is saying.
A foul ball can hurt as much as a direct hit. A fairly insignificant slight or accusation--especially when it's allowed to fester and accumulate and build on the last one--can bruise your relationship. That's why you must guard against minor, offhand offenses. Stop occasionally and go see if your words are hurting anyone--your spouse, a child or a friend.
Careless words. A lapse in judgment. Foul balls. And foul words. But whether intended or not, they can still carom with enough speed to wound and injure the ones you love the most.
Be careful with your words and choose your battles wisely. Those we love are more important than being right all the time.
I love you and God does too!
Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise.
Ephesians 5:15
I've often wondered why more people don't get hurt by foul balls that are hit into the stands during a baseball game. You'd think it would happen almost every time, especially those line drives that carom through an entire seating section. But even on those occasions when a stray ball does leave a lump or a bruise, you can hardly blame the batter, can you? I mean, he's not out to intentionally harm anyone. It's just what happens in the flow of the game, right?
That's probably not the way Baltimore Orioles' Jay Gibbons felt not long ago when he fouled a pitch straight back over the screen. That's because this time, his wayward swing didn't threaten a nine-year-old sitting there with his cap and glove or a hot-dog vendor walking the steps or a pair of buddies taking in a game together.
No, Jay's foul ball hit his own wife right in the ribcage.
He didn't mean to. It wasn't intentional.
This story reminded me of those sarcastic remarks we sometimes let slip.
Or those little unkind things we foul off. Or those grunts we utter when we think the magazine article we're reading is much more interesting and important than what the wife is saying.
A foul ball can hurt as much as a direct hit. A fairly insignificant slight or accusation--especially when it's allowed to fester and accumulate and build on the last one--can bruise your relationship. That's why you must guard against minor, offhand offenses. Stop occasionally and go see if your words are hurting anyone--your spouse, a child or a friend.
Careless words. A lapse in judgment. Foul balls. And foul words. But whether intended or not, they can still carom with enough speed to wound and injure the ones you love the most.
Be careful with your words and choose your battles wisely. Those we love are more important than being right all the time.
I love you and God does too!
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